Today is the end of the third year of Tiny Cat Pants and the beginning of the fourth. It somehow seems like it’s been longer than that–so much has happened in that time, it’s almost hard to believe.
Of course, none of it would be possible without my awesome kick-ass readers, who are some of the smartest, sweetest, funniest, kindest people on the internet.
In your honor, I’ve decided to hold the first Tiny Cat Pants contest.
FATHER AUNT B.’S BABY!!!!
You collect the sperm of you or someone you think would make a suitable father for my baby, freeze it, and overnight it to me. I’ll put all the sperm together in one container and then, once thawed, artificially inseminate myself. If it takes, after nine months, I will deliver a baby you all can consider yourselves the the fathers of.
I need a baby who is dependable, forthright, and decisive. My baby will have to take on a lot of responsibilities rather quickly so he or she needs to be bright, preferably good at math, able to make a budget and stick to it, and, in a best case scenario, happy to clean and do the dishes. He or she will need to take responsibility at a young age for a lot of sweet but somewhat aimless and ridiculous people he or she feels tied to by love and blood.
We’re all about improving the gene pool in my family, folks, so carefully consider what kind of sperm you’ll send.
I’ll post pictures and mommy blog incessantly and you all can send $50 a week and presents when the mood strikes you. I promise to never make any effort to discover the identy of the father so that y’all may feel equally invested in Baby’s future.
I will have have someone to watch out for me and to help me during family crisises. I’ll also have guaranteed blogging material for the next however many years. You’d have something to read about and wouldn’t reading about a possible child of yours raise the stakes around here quite a bit?
Think it over.