This is what I’ve been thinking a lot about this weekend. I think that, for a lot of people, it’s having kids that makes them realize that they are the adult generation now, that they’re the ones who are going to have to make decisions and be responsible, even if they feel inadiquate to the task. For others, it probably happens when a parent dies.
For me, it’s been this experience. The recalcitrant brother being in jail is not the end of my world. I love him and he’s a sweetie, but you can only make the choices he’s been making for so long before it catches up to you.
That sucks, but it’s not earth-shattering.
What has just shook me to the core is witnessing the general incompitence and floundering of my parents. My dad, for instance, spent Thursday and Friday getting the money together to get my brother out of jail, getting the car road-worthy, and discussing the recalcitrant brother’s situation with the recalcitrant brother’s neighbor.
He never thought to call a lawyer or the jail or the courthouse. He’s getting all his legal advice from my brother’s neighbor. And he calls me to tell me this stuff and I ask him about calling, you know, folks who would actually know what was going on and it’s completely apparent that he hadn’t thought to do it and that he wouldn’t even know where to start to do it.
So, I did it.
And, just to sidetrack for a second, I can’t tell you how furious it makes me that I spent my whole life hearing him bitch about how bossy I am and yet, clearly, when the chips are down, he wants me to take charge of things. Gentlemen, remember this, it is fucked up to make your daughter feel like you hate the thing about her you depend most on her for.
But you see how that doesn’t matter? I mean, don’t get me wrong. It upsets me and all this stuff gets dragged up whenever it comes to my family. But it doesn’t matter.
If we’re going to get the recalcitrant brother out of jail, someone’s got to make a plan, make some arrangements, and help everyone else stick to them.
And it doesn’t look like there’s anybody but me to do it.
That kind of scares the shit out of me.