A Post So Gross I Dare Only Make It On a Friday Night

Squeemish folks, be warned, after the jump, there is blood and a discussion of awesome (in the sense of causing me awe and fright) girly things.

I can’t believe I’m about to share this with the internet, but, you know, if I die, someone will be curious as to where all my blood and body fluids went, so be sure to print this out and send it to the medical examiner.

So, it’s about a quarter after three and I’m sitting in my office feeling the slight pangs of menstrual cramps.  Nothing out of the ordinary, except that we’re two days in to what’s been, until now, a really light cycle and I usually just have cramps on the first day, when suddenly, I have this feeling like… you know when you can feel your endometrial lining bits pass through your cervix? And how your vagina itself feels kind of full and how, sometimes, you have to shift in your seat to let it slide out the rest of the way?

I get that feeling.  Only not.  Instead, it’s like a water balloon burst or something.  I stand up and am rummaging through my bag searching for a tampon when I hear drip, drip, drip and I look down and I am literally bleeding onto the floor.  It’s just pouring out of me.  It’s running down my legs, it’s dripping straight down; I’m the fucking Overlook Hotel and the elevator doors are open.

And I have to tell you, I’m both thoroughly mortified and kind of amazed.

I remember the first couple of times I got my period, back in junior high, and I wasn’t even exactly sure that’s what it was because it was just a few days of there being a kind of rust colored spot in my underwear.  I baffles my mind that that and this could be the same experience.

Then, when I got into high school, I would get cramps so bad they would make me throw up.  And, after I got home today, that’s what I spent the afternoon doing–trying to decide if I could throw up or if I could take enough Advil to cut through the pain.

Still, it’s hard for me to understand where all that blood could have possibly come from–and I understand intellectually how bodies work and I’ve read Natalie Angier’s book.  But still, we’re talking about an organ the size of what?  A small pear?  Where is all that blood coming from?  And, more importantly, can I bleed to death from it?

I have always resisted going on the Pill, but after today, I think I might have to finally break down.

19 thoughts on “A Post So Gross I Dare Only Make It On a Friday Night

  1. Yeah, what you experienced today was a regular thing for me until I went on the pill. It really helped a lot. I highly recommend it.

    I think also that what Kat said is true. I’m sure your doc would balk at the idea, but that CT scan dye can mess with your body.

    Hopefully, next month you’ll be back to normal, or even in better shape if you go on the pill to help the situation.

  2. Hunh. I can’t say as I’ve ever had either of the feelings you describe, really. The liquid-y part of my period has always been relatively light and not much to pay attention to. The rest of it… the pain, the mood swings, and all the phantom feelings not really attached to any ensuing outflow… that stuff is all awful. But I can’t feel when I ovulate, when my lining passes my cervix, or when stuff needs to be shifted around (well… I can feel it when my strings shift, because those fuckers are sharp and sometimes embed themselves where they really shouldn’t… but that has little to do with my period.).

    But yes. Hie thyself hence to a doctor sometime in the near future. Big changes in girly things without vastly evident cause (say, menopause) are generally to be investigated.

    And neither here nor there, but I’d’ve about fallen through the ground in embarrassment if that had happened to me, even if I was completely alone at the time and in my own house.

  3. Definitely should get it checked out but it may turn out to be nothing (well, to anyone but you). When I was young, I NEVER had symptoms – no cramps, no nothing. Now I have every symptom known to woman AND it’s kind of like as if the Hoover Dam broke…. freakin’ river.

    I know how much I hate it when my older female relatives and friends have said about various things “Well, it’s part of getting older” but just know this may be one of those things too. But still get it checked out.

  4. I love you guys so much. Where else can I go to get good sympathy and information?

    Mag, until it happened to me, I would have assumed I would have just died if that would have happened to me, but, as it was happening, I felt more fascinated.

    Coble, hmm.

    Bridgett, they keep checking me for that, but it hasn’t yet shown up on the x-ray. Dr J sent me a link to a disease, the name of which I forget, which causes spots on various organs along with symptoms similar to mine. If the pulminary dude decides that’s what I have, I’m going to ask him if he thinks my uterus could be involved.

  5. B, I just sent you an email, but I’m given to understand that said disease can involve reproductive organs, but that is rare. Doesn’t hurt to ask. I sent you another link.

  6. Pingback: Out Loud, Weekend Edition « The Coyote Chronicles

  7. Something to think about: have you been taking a lot of aspirin recently for any reason? Because that can result in just ridiculous amounts of bleeding. Also, whatever the cause, if you lose that much blood that quickly you risk getting a little anemic, so eat your spinach.

  8. It all goes to hell in your 30’s. Everything just starts going downhill with all that stuff. Next thing you know, you’ll squirt pee when you sneeze.

    Why don’t they ever cover this stuff on Desperate Housewives and other tv shows? Oh yeah. They aren’t real.

  9. Oh geez…the anemic part. Holy crap, they make this big thing about your iron being low and then they say “You must take an iron pill.” Then you are constipated. It’s a vicious, mean cycle.

  10. sistasmiff, Women’s vitamins work just as well as taking iron pills, and they don’t make you constipated. :-)

    Aunt B., you could have endometriosis. I would discuss that possibility along with the fibroids with your doctor. That same thing happens to me every so often, and my mother just recently experienced a horrific flow last month that left her looking like a victim in a horror film – she has fibroids, and I have endometriosis. Both conditions cause similar symptoms, and some docs think they may be related.

    Regardless, your periods sound irregular enough that something’s up.

    Good luck. :-)

  11. Woman, have you been reading my old journal? That possibly is the weirdest sensation in the world — the “uh-oh” cannot begin to contain
    one’s reaction. I actually ruined an office chair once. But as a proud (and now white-pants-wearing!) survivor of her own Ednaectomy (tm ‘coma), I can suggest that it indeed is probably fibroids. They create their own little network of vessels and that’s where all the extra buildup plus the bright-red color originates.

    They, fortunately, can be cauterized quite quickly (zzzt!) and relatively simply and you’d just have to be out of work on a Friday and a Monday, probably. And take a few Percocet to help alleviate the thought of the zzzt!

    (Don’t be alarmed by my mention of the Ednaectomy. I had that because I had thisclosetobeingmalignant bad cells and a family history of uterine cancer. So.)

    Sending loving smooches, chocolate, red wine, a heating pad, a moisture-proof liner for wherever you’re sitting/lying that doesn’t CRACKLE a lot, and additional pain relievers of your choice.

  12. NM I was so anemic this time last year, I’d have had to eat about 10 fields full of spinach. I can’t remember what the number was, but, it was way low. I had to take an iron pill 4 times a day. It finally came back up to where it was supposed to be. My doctor asked if I gave blood a lot. Yes. I give blood every month to Heavy Period Club, thank you very much.

  13. Here’s the weird part. Well, weird being relative. Not as weird as Friday afternoon. But yesterday, at about noonish, it was like a switch flipped and the pain and nausea just stopped and it switched back to a more normal heavy flow and… well, I don’t know.

    It’s all very strange.

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