Squeemish folks, be warned, after the jump, there is blood and a discussion of awesome (in the sense of causing me awe and fright) girly things.
I can’t believe I’m about to share this with the internet, but, you know, if I die, someone will be curious as to where all my blood and body fluids went, so be sure to print this out and send it to the medical examiner.
So, it’s about a quarter after three and I’m sitting in my office feeling the slight pangs of menstrual cramps. Nothing out of the ordinary, except that we’re two days in to what’s been, until now, a really light cycle and I usually just have cramps on the first day, when suddenly, I have this feeling like… you know when you can feel your endometrial lining bits pass through your cervix? And how your vagina itself feels kind of full and how, sometimes, you have to shift in your seat to let it slide out the rest of the way?
I get that feeling. Only not. Instead, it’s like a water balloon burst or something. I stand up and am rummaging through my bag searching for a tampon when I hear drip, drip, drip and I look down and I am literally bleeding onto the floor. It’s just pouring out of me. It’s running down my legs, it’s dripping straight down; I’m the fucking Overlook Hotel and the elevator doors are open.
And I have to tell you, I’m both thoroughly mortified and kind of amazed.
I remember the first couple of times I got my period, back in junior high, and I wasn’t even exactly sure that’s what it was because it was just a few days of there being a kind of rust colored spot in my underwear. I baffles my mind that that and this could be the same experience.
Then, when I got into high school, I would get cramps so bad they would make me throw up. And, after I got home today, that’s what I spent the afternoon doing–trying to decide if I could throw up or if I could take enough Advil to cut through the pain.
Still, it’s hard for me to understand where all that blood could have possibly come from–and I understand intellectually how bodies work and I’ve read Natalie Angier’s book. But still, we’re talking about an organ the size of what? A small pear? Where is all that blood coming from? And, more importantly, can I bleed to death from it?
I have always resisted going on the Pill, but after today, I think I might have to finally break down.