My Sure-Fire Way to Get Lee to Worship Satan–A Playlist

“Devil Went Down to Georgia”–Charlie Daniels (come on, we all know who really won that)

“Sympathy for the Devil”–The Rolling Stones

“Stairway to Heaven”–Led Zeppelin

The “Holy Diver” Album by Dio

And everything by Slayer

Things that Come to Me While I’m Working on Mack’s Afghan

–My embarrassing lack of math skills causes me to be overcome with fear that, even though I have approximately eleventy billion squares, somehow Mack’s afghan will only be three feet tall.  Here is the issue.  Because we’ve decided that the afghan will be 11 squares across by 14 squares down AND I decided that they should all be on the point, I keep counting the rows by making a zig-zag between whole squares, which makes the whole thing very tiny.  It’s a stupid mistake, and I keep talking myself out of it by reminding myself that we can’t, for the sake of this, count squares, but must actually count spans from one far corner to the other.  Every row will have 11 spans, regardless of whether it has 11 squares.

–In other afghan news, I have misunderestimated (I don’t care who invented that word; it’s useful) the amount of brown I’ll need.  I fear this means another trip to Walmart.

–I’m going in for a sleep study next week, but I don’t know what day.  I need to call and get that shit straightened out.

–Walgreens didn’t charge me for my Advair.  I don’t know if this means we’ve blown by the $3,000 spending limit.  I thought for a second they might have charged my credit card, but I paid cash for it the last time (the only other time) I’ve gotten it.

–Also, I called my insurance company last night because, for some reason, the $1,500 anaesthetic bill wasn’t in-network even though everything else was and she was all “Oh, yeah, that’s weird.  Okay.  I’ll change it.”

–That’s in part what scares me about how healthcare works in this country.  Amounts of money that could crush me get moved around with a few clicks on the computer like it’s nothing for my insurance company to just pick that up.

–I think I have a couple of reasonable answers for when people ask me what I want for Christmas now.

–I am so pissed at the “new” AT&T, I can’t even tell you.  In October, our phone bill was $100 over what it was the month before, so I bitched the Butcher out, took his money and figured that would be the end of it.  No, this month, also a hundred dollars more.

So, I look at the bill.  I’m getting charge $60 a month now to have a home phone (which used to cost me $30) and $20 for the privilege of having long distance on that phone (which used to cost me $3) and, even though the Butcher and I are on the same family share plan for our cell phones, as of two months ago, he’s got no free texting and I’ve got 500 messages a month.  Yeah, guess who sends text messages at our house?

I’m cancelling the home phone, just for starters.  I’d love to cancel the cell phones and find someone new, but I’m stuck with them until July.  Now, here’s what pisses me off.  Clearly, we cannot go on paying what we’re paying.  But we can’t get out of our contract until June.  So, I’m going to have to go in and modify our plan so that the Butcher gets the text messaging minutes, which means, and you know they’re going to do this, I’m going to have to sign another fucking contract with them.

Hate.

–Also, I have seen no bills for any medical procedure.  When should those start coming?