So, I went in last night for my sleep test last night. I should have brought my crochetting, because, like all medical stuff, there’s just a lot of sitting around waiting. But, eventually, I had a dozen or so wires hooked up to my head and another dozen attached to various body parts and I tried to sleep in a strange room with a dude watching me on a camera.
I was dreading a little the inevitable multiple trips to the bathroom and it was kind of weird. They had this box all the wires went in to and I had to wear it around my neck and then keep everything swung forward while I did my business.
And trying to sleep with a bunch of wires on your face is not an easy task, especially because I normally sleep on my side and stomach.
But, after determining that I was having about 100 episodes an hour, the technician came in and stuck a mask that forces air into you on me and, after I got used to breathing with it and used to the constant noise and resolving to try to stay sleeping on my back.
I’m going to tell you that, even though I knew I was snoring up a storm and waking up enough that I noticed it every two hours and even though I was always tired and napped like it was a luxury I’d been long denied, in the back of my mind, I was convinced this whole thing was kind of silly and I was resolved that I was not going to spend the rest of my life “hooked up to a machine.”
Well, world, fuck that.
I would pay money to sleep that well. I would try to smuggle in a machine like that if they were illegal. I would encourage my friends to use it just as a recreational experience. If I had to wear that mask all day in order to sleep like that, I would gladly do it.
Sign me up.
The only weird thing is that I dreamed all night that the Butcher and I had to get jobs at Starbucks where we just stocked and restocked and restocked all night. But, even that, I haven’t dreamed that vividly in ages.