Where Not to Get Your Sex Ed

I have nothing to add to Renegade Evolution’s awesome, awesome post, except for just these two things: 1.  If we had real sex ed in school, people would not have to turn to porn for information, and 2.  I’m embarrassed to admit that, reading through her lists, I had a number of ‘Whew, I thought I was the only person who didn’t like that’ moments.

[Should I even add that it’s not quite safe for work or can you figure that out on your own?]

[Also, I just want to add that, to me, Renegade Evolution is an illustration of why the internet kicks so much ass.  I might never know someone like this in real life.  Her circles and my circles would never overlap.  I find myself going ‘Eh, I don’ t know…’ about half of what she says.  And yet, I love to read her.  Love it.  It opens up a part of my mind I didn’t even know needed opening.]

22 thoughts on “Where Not to Get Your Sex Ed

  1. Man, have I ever lived a sheltered life.

    Seriously, my only problem with ATM is the fees the bank charge…wait, there’s another meaning for that acronym?

  2. I think she either means “anal to mouth” or that thing Nelly did in his video where he swiped a credit card in a girl’s buttcrack. I’m leaning towards “anal to mouth” just because I can’t see how the second would actually be remotely interesting to anyone but Nelly.

  3. That was a great find, Aunt B. The author articulated everything I have had squishing around my head but hers was much better.

    I have a teen son. He isn’t sexually active but he does have a girlfriend (a very nice young lady). I’ve always been pretty open about sexuality: the need for protection, the mutual pleasure/mutual respect aspects, etc. We often talk about how sex (and teens) get portrayed on media. We live in a fairly progressive area that believes in factual sex ed with a strong abstinence until older message with which I agree. But is it enough? Should I be doing more? He is a very private kid so I don’t want to overstep his comfort level, but, yikes, I don’t want him out in the world all ignorant either.

    (I have no idea what ATM is either in that context. Sometimes, being old is A Good Thing ;) )

  4. B, this is another reason why you need to see “Clerks II” – the first being the previously mentioned bit on the “p***y troll.”

  5. Miranda, those are such good questions, and I don’t have any answers for you (maybe other folks can say something about what works for them). But I think that RE’s post implies something important that we need to do. It’s not realistic or probably even healthy to demand that kids stay away from porn–they’re curious about sex and about what people look like naked and porn is everywhere.

    But we can teach kids how to have a critical eye about porn (which, I believe is part of what RE is saying) and to explain to them that porn sex is to regular sex like ballroom dancing is to dancing around your room. One involves training and toning your body and doing movements that are recognizes as belonging to that activity–things that not everyone can do or do very well done–and doing those things because of how they look moreso than how they feel and doing so under prescribed circumstances and conditions and the other anyone can do when it feels good because it feels good.

  6. Glad you liked it…

    Crap sex ed is kind of a thing for me. As in, I think there is way too much crap sex ed out there and not nearly enough REAL sex ed out there…and damn porn is BAD sex ed…

    And no, not the money machine ATM…ahem.

  7. Crap sex ed is kind of a thing for me. As in, I think there is way too much crap sex ed out there and not nearly enough REAL sex ed out there…and damn porn is BAD sex ed…

    Yes, exactly.

    I’d also like to note that other kids? Also crap sources of sex ed most of the time. I (and my friends, by extension) was lucky to have had wonderful sex ed early on, so I could answer my friends’ questions when they arose. But … yeah, when you’re asking the 11 year old never-been-kissed bookish girl about the nitty gritty details of sex (most notably, if you’re asking these questions well after having done the deed), you’ve got a really high chance of getting some pretty garbled answers.

    (And I’m not sure if porn would’ve been a worse teacher than I was, on the one question they asked that stumped me. When the answer you give to “can someone get pregnant just from anal sex?” is “umm, sure, if there’s a way for sperm to get from the anus to the vagina, but the only way I can think for that to happen is some sort of genetic defect that opens a hole between the two,” welll… yeah. I had the mechanics down, but I didn’t know about all the messy bits, because, well, I was 11 and not sexually active at all, and didn’t watch porn or read it or know anything beyond the really good sex ed books my parents left around the house.)

  8. My sex ed was a copy of the first edition of _Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex*_.

    That sucker told you every damned thing, and in the most clinical of ways. Very well-suited to my learning style, I must say.

    I am glad to hear, though, 28 years later, that other women don’t enjoy having cum on their face, etc.

  9. Yeah, thanks, Aunt B. That essay is a winner on all counts. Renegade Evolution rocks, as do you.

    I don’t begrudge anyone’s affinity for porn, but I’m glad to read an expert emphasizing that porn is nothing like most real sex. That false image puts a lot of pressure on men, too, as R.E. points out well. Who wants to deal with that when you’re just trying to be yourself with someone?

    Thanks again.

  10. I only once had a boyfriend who confused porn and real life. He got me to try some things I never would have otherwise, which was fun, but all in all it was odd. He’d say, “but don’t you want to do X?” and I’d say, “no, not at all,” and he’d say, “but everybody likes that!” and I’d say, “so what?” and we would go round and round that way.

  11. wow. thanks for posting that link. The internet can be a great place it’s true.

    Is it weird that the two reasons for me saying that today are discovering renegade evolution and the “hyper-Geertz” website?

    for all of you who need a comprehensive online resource for the *actual text* of this cultural anthropologists’ writing)

  12. On the topic of sex ed books, I recently reviewed S.E.X. by Heather Corinna, and it was very, very good on the points of a) different people like different things and b) movie/porn sex is not real sex. It’s also inclusive with regards to various sexual orientations and practices. It’s definitely one I would give to any future kids.

  13. Ah, the things I miss when i go offline for a few days. I never could figure out what ATM is supposed to be, but I guess I’m about to find out.

    I’ve always held that viewing porn for sex education is no different from claiming you got an engineering degree by watching Star Trek. Star Trek and porn are about selling fantasy, not about how anything actually works in reality.

  14. Didn’t the movie “The Girl Next Door” (starring Elisha Cuthbert) end with the porn stars and the high schoolers making a sex ed film?

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