Today I Got My First Hit for CPAP Porn!

That tickles me a great deal.  I am overcome by curiosity wondering what other hits one might find when one searches for CPAP porn, but I’m afraid to look and I’ll tell you why.

Once, when I was a young lass, just starting out on the red blood trail that is life as a menstruating woman, I awoke in the middle of the night at my grandma’s house to discover that I was in need of some feminine protection, which was located in the room in which my parents were supposed to be asleep.

I say “supposed to be asleep” because, as you can guess, dear readers, they were not.

And they were not playing a lively game of euchre.

Fifteen years later, I still can’t get that image out of my head.

The types of people who need CPAP machines are people such as me and, more importantly, my dad.  So, any amateur porn being made out there somehow involving the CPAP machine is going to involve folks like my dad.

I cannot risk seeing anything like that ever again.  I don’t have time for the intensive therapy it would take to get over that.

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My Day

I was having the kind of day where you discover that your webhost hasn’t uploaded the five photos you have to give them to upload because they believe that you are too stupid to do it yourself, nevermind that kids on that MySpace do it all the time, and it’s been a month.

But then something happened.

I don’t know what.

I got in the elevator and it was like a weight lifted and so, even though I spent all day wanting to just hide under my desk, now I’m in a great mood.

“Those Who Essentially Pay No Tax”

My brother is probably one of those people who “essentially” essentially pays no taxes.  At the end of the year, he gets back pretty much everything he’s put in because he makes so little.

And yet, every paycheck, the government still takes out a chunk of money he could have used that month and he’s got to make do without it.

Meanwhile, the government gets to do with it what it likes.

My brother doesn’t get his money back plus interest for the time the government had it until it figured out that my brother didn’t owe it to them.

No.  He just gets back what they took out of his check.  The interest goes wherever it goes.

He doesn’t deserve any relief from that?

God, really, it’s as if conservatives cannot stand the idea that someone, somewhere, might not be suffering as much as possible.

Bleh.

Sorry.  I’m just fed up today.  My whole google reader was full of stuff from those on the other side of the aisle which could be summed up thusly:

First Post: Hey everybody, think on these wise words of Rev. Martin Luther King

Next Post: Those dirty, nasty brown people are sneaking into our country to hog our jobs and make it so my efforts to move out to the suburbs to get away from the non-white people is thwarted by the brown children my children have to go to school with.

Over and over and over again. 

I just about am sick from the cognative dissonance.

Not Tonight, Honey, I Want America to Be a Self-Sustaining, Sovereign Nation

I admit, I’m developing a purient interest in the sex lives of Republicans.

I have, in the past, assumed that Republicans have sex for the same reasons the rest of us have sex–because it’s fun, because it brings us closer to the people we dig, because we were drunk and it seemed like a good idea, because we didn’t want to seem uncool at the orgy, whatever–and that they had kids for the same reasons we have kids–because we want them, because we fell in love with someone and want to expand our family, because we feel a religious duty to not deny children when they come, oops, etc.

But I read posts like Huddleston’s here, where he’s floating this idea that people are deliberately sneaking into this country with the plan of having kids once they get here on purpose.

And it just makes me wonder what sex in households like the Huddlestons is like and how it gets negotiated.

For me, it usually goes something like this:

Person with dimples: Hey, I noticed you and think you’re cute and…

Me: Um, yeah, so, do you want to fuck or what?

But I am forced to imagine that for conservative it goes like this:

Mr. Conservative: Darling, would you care to join me in the bedroom where I may know you in the Biblical sense?

Mrs. Conservative: Let me consult my calendar and an atlas.

[We wait while she does so.]

Mrs. Conservative (cont.): Darling, yes, I can join you in the bedroom, day after tomorrow.  I’ll miss you, though, when I leave Thursday to head to a state with better pre-natal care for all women than this one, just in case I become with child.

Mr. Conservative: And I, my dear, will miss you.  But I love your show of moxy.  Let us deny pre-natal care to other women while we ourselves make great use of it!

Both: Evil laughter.

I mean, seriously, are we really supposed to believe that people are sitting in other countries right now plotting what fucking they’ll do when they get here in order to undermine our country?

Just how devious are we supposed to believe that the rest of the world is?