I admit, I’m developing a purient interest in the sex lives of Republicans.
I have, in the past, assumed that Republicans have sex for the same reasons the rest of us have sex–because it’s fun, because it brings us closer to the people we dig, because we were drunk and it seemed like a good idea, because we didn’t want to seem uncool at the orgy, whatever–and that they had kids for the same reasons we have kids–because we want them, because we fell in love with someone and want to expand our family, because we feel a religious duty to not deny children when they come, oops, etc.
But I read posts like Huddleston’s here, where he’s floating this idea that people are deliberately sneaking into this country with the plan of having kids once they get here on purpose.
And it just makes me wonder what sex in households like the Huddlestons is like and how it gets negotiated.
For me, it usually goes something like this:
Person with dimples: Hey, I noticed you and think you’re cute and…
Me: Um, yeah, so, do you want to fuck or what?
But I am forced to imagine that for conservative it goes like this:
Mr. Conservative: Darling, would you care to join me in the bedroom where I may know you in the Biblical sense?
Mrs. Conservative: Let me consult my calendar and an atlas.
[We wait while she does so.]
Mrs. Conservative (cont.): Darling, yes, I can join you in the bedroom, day after tomorrow. I’ll miss you, though, when I leave Thursday to head to a state with better pre-natal care for all women than this one, just in case I become with child.
Mr. Conservative: And I, my dear, will miss you. But I love your show of moxy. Let us deny pre-natal care to other women while we ourselves make great use of it!
Both: Evil laughter.
I mean, seriously, are we really supposed to believe that people are sitting in other countries right now plotting what fucking they’ll do when they get here in order to undermine our country?
Just how devious are we supposed to believe that the rest of the world is?