Not Tonight, Honey, I Want America to Be a Self-Sustaining, Sovereign Nation

I admit, I’m developing a purient interest in the sex lives of Republicans.

I have, in the past, assumed that Republicans have sex for the same reasons the rest of us have sex–because it’s fun, because it brings us closer to the people we dig, because we were drunk and it seemed like a good idea, because we didn’t want to seem uncool at the orgy, whatever–and that they had kids for the same reasons we have kids–because we want them, because we fell in love with someone and want to expand our family, because we feel a religious duty to not deny children when they come, oops, etc.

But I read posts like Huddleston’s here, where he’s floating this idea that people are deliberately sneaking into this country with the plan of having kids once they get here on purpose.

And it just makes me wonder what sex in households like the Huddlestons is like and how it gets negotiated.

For me, it usually goes something like this:

Person with dimples: Hey, I noticed you and think you’re cute and…

Me: Um, yeah, so, do you want to fuck or what?

But I am forced to imagine that for conservative it goes like this:

Mr. Conservative: Darling, would you care to join me in the bedroom where I may know you in the Biblical sense?

Mrs. Conservative: Let me consult my calendar and an atlas.

[We wait while she does so.]

Mrs. Conservative (cont.): Darling, yes, I can join you in the bedroom, day after tomorrow.  I’ll miss you, though, when I leave Thursday to head to a state with better pre-natal care for all women than this one, just in case I become with child.

Mr. Conservative: And I, my dear, will miss you.  But I love your show of moxy.  Let us deny pre-natal care to other women while we ourselves make great use of it!

Both: Evil laughter.

I mean, seriously, are we really supposed to believe that people are sitting in other countries right now plotting what fucking they’ll do when they get here in order to undermine our country?

Just how devious are we supposed to believe that the rest of the world is?

7 thoughts on “Not Tonight, Honey, I Want America to Be a Self-Sustaining, Sovereign Nation

  1. It makes me wonder why we don’t hear as much furor over people crossing borders with other life-threatening conditions.

    Say you find you have a medical condition that could kill you, but quality of care can make a big difference on that. If the next country over has sufficiently better care for that condition to outweigh the risks of getting into that country however you can, it doesn’t surprise me all that much if you take a crack at it. Why would anyone need a more complicated motive than that?

  2. Mr Huddleston’s lack of generosity of spirit never ceases to amaze me. Why on this very blog he expressed amazement that I had a kid and wondered if I could be sued for bringing forth a child (did he NOT even realize that my baby is a white male!!!!!!!) I don’t know why I let that bother me – but it really did. I guess nobody likes to think of their child as unwanted by the universe or even a pathologically right wing blogger in E. Tennessee.

    At the same time he and his wife were expecting a baby.

    Somebody turned off his empathy switch early on.

  3. Well, I would defy Mr Huddleston to look at the pictures of your son all decked out in orange and not be overcome by the urge to say “Ooooh.”

    But, yeah, it makes me nervous when there’s a simple explanation for something–folks fall in love, have kids–and a complex explanation–they’re sitting at home, plotting the ruin of America, sneak here just to seduce some unwitting woman and raise a family with her–and the person goes for the complex explanation. It makes me feel like I’m getting a scary glimpse at how they think the world works and what’s okay for them to do.

  4. just one more knot in the rope of “anti-choice except when it’s not my gender,ethnicity,social class or ability level..”

    Do these people *realize* how they sound?

    Oh, silly me… of course they do.

  5. Imfunny2, I’m embarrassed to admit that I was having trouble making that connection until seeing you state it so plainly. Damn.

    Of course this is in here. They’re all pro-life, but they don’t want those kids in “our” schools. They don’t want those kids here at all.

    Ha, I feel like I’ve been walking around a dimly lit room trying to describe what I think I see and you just come in and flip on the lights.

    I owe you big, because damn.

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