If I Believed in Astrology…

I’d believe that Mercury being in retrograde explains everything about how weird and grueling these last two days have been.

Instead, dear friends, I believe I’m going to have to suck it up and talk with someone about my panic attacks, which have become so terrible I about can’t stand it.  I missed a meeting last week, couldn’t get out of the building yesterday, and missed a meeting today.

And then I feel shaky and run-down after I have them, so that shoots the rest of the afternoon.

I am concerned, to put it mildly, since they seem to be happening more frequently and, in this case, in places I’ve been able to easily navigate before.

But, three cheers for the Professor for coming and rescuing me yesterday.

I don’t know.  It’s weird.  I find them humiliating.  Which, frankly, makes it harder for me to do anything about it.

Yes, I think I told y’all all that before, but it calms me to repeat it, so, sorry, bear with me.

I promise, later, I’ll have some thoughts that actually have something to do with something.

5 thoughts on “If I Believed in Astrology…

  1. I’m totally down with the whole Mercury being in retrograde thing. Everytime it happens, all hell breaks loose.

    Coincidence? I’m convinced not.

    But everything’s gonna be alright…hang in there.

  2. Hmm . . . I always feel like I’m the only person EVER who gets panic attacks, and they are so horrifyingly embarassing that I don’t even want to admit to ANYONE that I get them. But I do. I’m glad you talk about them because that makes it a little more o.k. for me to admit that I get them too.

    I hate them. And fucking Mercury in retrograde.

    (Yay Professor!)

  3. About a year ago I started having terrible anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, and I was calling in sick for work. My stomach hurt all the time.

    Once I talked to my doctor about it, I found that just naming the problem out loud helped me start feeling better. Then, I discovered how many of my friends had faced (or were facing) mental health issues but never told anyone.

    Talking about it together and supporting each other probably made as much difference as the professional therapy I got. Probably not as much as the meds did, though. They were a life-saver. I only stayed on them for about 6 months, which gave me the chance to develop some perspective and coping skills.

    I hope you’ll be as relieved as I was after you start getting some help. Good luck!

  4. Suniverse, thanks. That makes me feel better.

    Unruly Duckling, the part that the Professor finally had to get aggrivated with me tonight about was that I was pissing and moaning about how, now that I’ve started going to the doctor regularly, I suddenly have all this stuff that the doctor has to take care of, and she had to be all like “No, idiot, you’ve had these problems for a long time. You’re just having to deal with them all at once because you’re finally going to the doctor.”

  5. I had a similar conversation with my physician’s assistant. “I’m only 30 years old, and I’m always at the doctor. What’s wrong with me?”…etc.and so on.

    She pointed out to me that I’m doing the right thing by taking care of my issues now instead of after they get out of control and really expensive. My concerns about being feeble or a hypochondriac were well assuaged.

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