1. My dad’s going in for surgery tomorrow. They’re doing that thing where they go in and clear out the artery. If they need to put in a stint, they will do that at that time. If they do, he’ll have to stay over night. If they don’t, he’ll come home tomorrow evening.
He’s done that bullshitty thing where he’s said that I don’t have to come up today if I don’t want to.
So, now I can’t tell if I really don’t have to go up and that’s cool or if it’s some test to see if I love him enough to drop everything and come up there right this second. Because, yeah, duh, of course I want to be there, right this second.
But I also don’t have the kind of life that allows me to just drop everything at a moment’s notice and go up there right this instant. Tomorrow is absolutely the worst day of my whole month that I could possibly not be here.
But he’s having doctors poke at his heart and you know, I hate being here instead of there for that.
So, fuck it. I’m stuck here and that’s just the way it is. I can get up there later in the week.
2. And he’s mad at me, still, for telling my Uncle B. But my Uncle B. is coming down from Michigan to be there so, fuck it, I don’t care if he’s mad.
3. My Uncle B. has the makings of a fat activist, I tell you what. He’s all “Look at your dad. Eating right. Exercising. Still fat. Still has heart problems. Look at me. Lazy. Eat what I want. Still fat. Still have heart problems. You know what that tells me?”
“You can’t outrun genetics.” [pause] “Well, of course, there’s not much we are outrunning.”
I think I could take him in a foot race. It might be worth going up just for that. And probably for the best if we held said foot race right there at the hospital, in case either of us needed it at the finish line.
“I don’t have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.”
5. If only I could cure my uncle of that Republicanism thing, then he’d be super duper awesome instead of just super awesome.
6. The bright afghan is pieced together. I’m doing the border now. Then, I will wash it. And it will, hopefully, not fade or fall apart, but be free of excess dye.
7. One of my internetty friends, who I’ve met once, is going through something much, much worse than my stupid problems. Her daughter is missing.
We once lost the recalcitrant brother for six weeks and, I’ve got to tell you, there aren’t words for what it’s like.
So, all this is just to say that I’m blowing off some steam here, but one way or another, I’ll be fine. But keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers.