I Guess I Need a Barbed Wire Fence

Every once in a while you read a comment about how men have to have sex or they will die, die, die and, if we don’t let them fuck us whenever they want, regardless of our desire for them, it serves us right if they kill us and you think, “Wow, damn, is it really such a hard concept to get that my body doesn’t belong to you, that you can’t just open it up and crawl into it whenever you want?

I, too, have wanted to have sex with someone so much it felt like I would die if I didn’t get to.  I may have, in fact, in a moment of weakness, begged someone or another to have sex with me or I would die.  I’ve been turned down (I know!  Who would turn me down?  Have you seen my tits?) and did not, in fact, actually die.

Nor, I must say, did I feel like shooting the folks who turned me down.

I for sure never thought “You have a penis and I need a penis and, if you don’t let me use yours, I will beat you down.”  And I honestly don’t get that mindset when it comes to some men and their desire for my sex organs.

It seems weird to me that people would think “I have a right to your body when I want.”  You’d think that such a thought popping into their head would be embarrassing, like the way you might momentarily picture yourself running over the person in the crosswalk in front of you.  That it would take you aback and make you wonder if you’re being possessed by something evil.

And you’d like to comfort yourself with the thought that such attitudes are anomalies, held by folks who don’t have a lot of power and who don’t set policy.  Certainly, there’s no one with any real power over me who believes that my body is available for the taking and that I don’t really have the right to say what happens to it.

Via Rachel:

“Rape, ladies and gentlemen, is not today what rape was. Rape, when I was learning these things, was the violation of a chaste woman, against her will, by some party not her spouse. Today it’s simply, ‘Let’s don’t go forward with this act.’ ”–Democratic State Senator Henry

I’d love to see the surrounding context for that quote, because, like Rachel, I think it sounds as if he’s saying that, back in the good ole days, you could do what you wanted to any woman who wasn’t a virgin or married.

Just to be on the safe side, I will for sure be wrapping myself in barbed wire, so that folks are clear about not trespassing.

12 thoughts on “I Guess I Need a Barbed Wire Fence

  1. Pingback: Volunteer Voters » Again With The Rhetorical Questions

  2. It isn’t just men who think this way, B. When I was going through the WORST part of my divorce…when I realized that the man of my dreams didn’t want me (or my girl parts) anymore…his aunt had the audacity to call me up and tell me this:

    “If a man ain’t getting enough sex at home, he will turn to another woman, another man, or another animal to get it. And there ain’t nothing you can do about it to change it.”

    There are a lot of people who believe that it is a woman’s duty to give a man sex no matter if we are in any frame of mind or body to do so…objects solely to stimulate a man’s loins.

    It’s an outrage that the Senator got to where he is in this position of leadership with that mentality.

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  4. Ginger is totally right about this not just being scary dinosaur men that think this. I’ve been taking a women’s self-defense class (which I recommend to all women, it is awesome), and the first week we talked about the myths people have about rape, including the one that women who are raped somehow deserve it for putting themselves in that situation. One middle-aged woman in the class was like, “I don’t know, I see some of these young women with their short skirts and low-cut blouses going out to bars and sitting on men’s laps and such. And then those men get an erection and so what are they supposed to do?” Me: “You do realize that an erection does not mean a man has to have sex or he will die or something. I mean, 14 year olds get them ever five seconds, as I understand it.” Her: “I don’t know, it can be very uncomfortable for them….” Me, voice rising: “So if we give a man an erection we owe it to him to have sex with him? That’s just preposterous.” Our self-defense teacher had to break it up. I was truly shocked that even some women believe this.

  5. A friend of mine convinced his girlfriend in highschool that once he got an erection, if it was left “unfulfilled”, he got a painful stomach ache.

    It worked out well for him.

  6. What I wonder (Hi, Aunt B.! Love your stuff -just love it.) is: what can we do to address this hideous internalizing bullshit? I’ve heard that line before, about blaming the victim because she was dressed a certain way, or flirted, or whatever – line was, in fact, used on me by a 30 yr. old man when I was 17 – and the sad truth is, you hear it from a lot of women, as has been mentioned.
    What do you say to someone like that woman in your self-defense class, Dr. J? What should I have said to my sister-in-law who, after we watched Jodie Foster in The Accused, said, “well, she was kind of asking for it, wasn’t she”?

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