My Dad, Part Whatever

I talked to my dad last night, who was on his way out the door to help with the Ash Wednesday service.  His predicament, as predicted, has turned into a giant battle over whether he should have the surgery at Carle or at Loyola.

Of course my aunt wants him at Loyola with her people.  My dad, however, doesn’t want to seem rude to his doctors.  I’m leaning towards Carle for two reasons, one selfish and one not.  The not selfish reason is that I think it will be easier on my mom to have my dad close to their house and my aunt has this idea that my dad could just stay with my grandma once he gets out of the hospital.

Let me repeat that.  My aunt (my mom’s sister, who has, presumably known my grandma her whole life, since my grandma gave birth to her, and who has known my dad since 1968) thinks that my dad could just stay with my grandma once he gets out of the hospital.

Dear readers, that’s not recovery, that’s a sit-com.

In fact, I have to admit to you that I almost encouraged it, just so I could live-blog it.


It occurs to me that it may not be immediately obvious why my dad staying with my grandma would be so hilariously wrong.

Let’s travel back in time to the last Thanksgiving we all had together where my dad sat in the kitchen and bitched about my grandma and my grandma sat in the front room and bitched about my dad and my mom and I stood in the bathroom trying not to laugh loud enough for either of them to hear us.

Grandma’s Complaints About Dad

  • Bossy
  • Makes every conversation about him
  • Complains about everything
  • Is mean
  • Doesn’t appreciate my mom

Dad’s Complaints about Grandma

  • Bossy
  • Makes every conversation about her
  • Complains about everything
  • Is mean
  • Doesn’t appreciate my mom

Mom’s Complaint about the State of the Universe

  • “I don’t know how it took me thirty years to see it, but I have married my mom.”


The selfish reason I don’t want the surgery at Loyola is that, because one of my hobbies is peeing, it takes me six hours to get from here to Champaign and eight and a half to get from here to Chicago.

He’d like me to come up for the surgery and come up once he gets out of the hospital to stay with him while my mom is at work.

If I have to make two round trips to Illinois in two weeks, I’d rather be looking at twenty-four hours in the car and not thirty four.

Plus, if they do it up at Loyola, it will be later than if they do it at Carle and I just want him to get this shit done and be on the road to recovery.

6 thoughts on “My Dad, Part Whatever

  1. Unsolicited advice(the worst kind) from someone who has been there and done this several times. He should go to the best medical facility where the team has had the most experience doing the procedure and follow-up care in case of a problem. Period. There are toilets all along the way and when a loved one is in crisis, people will pull together. Get him fixed up and then go back to the other issues.

  2. Well, that’s the problem. Both places are probably equally fine, but does he want to be two and a half hours away from where he needs to get the follow up care, just because my aunt knows the people there or does he want to be twenty minutes from where he needs to get the follow up care?

    Really, the only reason Loyola is even an option is because my aunt works there. Otherwise, no one would be questioning the decision to go to Carle. In Central Illinois, if they send you to Carle, it’s like saying that they’re sending you to the best, cutting-edge hospital available.

  3. delurking …

    My mother had a quintuple bypass at age 81 in April of 2002 and is doing spectacularly fine. I believe this is because we had her do her recovery in a rehab center (covered by medicare). They made sure she did all her physical and respiratory therapy, ate well, slept well. In addition, the nurses were wonderfully attentive which I think also helped with her attitude. Plus they gave her a lot of help in continuing good habits once she was back home.

    It seems a bit hard at first not to be at home but I’m really convinced that the payoff is worth it.

    … relurking

  4. If at all possible, your dad needs to be close to home. He needs to be close you our mom. If Carle is as good as Loyola, and they’ve already worked on him there, and he already has docs there, and he is already familiar with the facility, then there is already a comfort factor associated with his stay. That’s a big part of getting better.

    Sticking him at your grandma’s (as sitcom-esque as that may be) will not aid in his recovery. Is your aged grandma going to care for him?

    Your aunt (bless her heart) wants to be helpful.

    If there is a chance your dad could do recovery in a rehab center, as AndIf suggests, take it. It will take loads of burden off you and your mom, and your dad will be getting real medical people to help him get better.

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