It Gets Weird Around Here

–My parents do a Bible devotion every morning.  The other day, the Bible verse had something about having a good heart and my mom started crying.

–I am shocked to see how bad her eyesight is, though they both claim that it’s getting better under the treatment.  Yesterday, she poured herself a bowl of cereal onto a plate of similar size.

–Yes, she drives forty minutes to work and back every day.

–Let’s not talk about it.  It will give me a stroke.

–It’s not just the drugs.  My dad continues on his “We must find you a man” kick.

–There seems to be general agreement that I am just too scary to men and could benefit, perhaps, from learning to be nicer to y’all.  I believe you could sense the insincerity.  But maybe I’m wrong.

–Have I told you lately how sweet and charming I find you and how, if not for you, I’d be a lonely woman surrounded by a lifetime full of jars I couldn’t open?

–And how deliciously handsome your penis is?

–…did that work?

Whenever I see girls with naturally curly hair, I feel a little something I don’t quite know how to put into words.  It makes me want to just nod and smile at her, because we both know… I don’t know… something.  Ha, it’s stupid.  We both know what it’s like to have curly hair.  Well, what can I tell you?  Other folks feel a kinship with those who share their love of the same sports teams.  I feel a kinship with those who have curly hair.

6 thoughts on “It Gets Weird Around Here

  1. My niece calls it “wiggly hair.” “You have wiggly hair,” she told me, “and I have flat hair.”

    You could try telling your Dad that you have a man — the Butcher — and you’re just waiting for the right offer and then you’ll sell him and live off the proceeds.

  2. –And how deliciously handsome your penis is?

    –…did that work?…

    Yes. Compliment a man’s penis and the other niceties you may have uttered (and the sincerity of them) no longer even matter.

  3. Your Dad is just on a mortality kick and starting to re-evaluate his greater legacy. They all do this after major heart surgery. He’s not going to give it up because he wants to make sure that you are safe, settled and cared for just in case he’s not around. Granted he will be looking to do this according to his definitions of what is necessary to keep you safe and cared for and not necesarily how you would define it. You’re going to have Dad on overdrive for a while.

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