What Shall We Dance Around the Office to Today?

Today, I bring you a song so delicious you know before I even tell you that it’s Charlie Robison. This song… this song… what can I say? I would marry the man who had the balls to suggest it as the song we dance to at our wedding as much as I also live in fear of it being the first song I dance with my hypothetical husband to.

Here you go.

Aw, damn. Maybe that’s kind of depressing. Okay, then, we’ll pair it with a little Yma Sumac.

Now, I expect to sense some dancing out there!

Five Guys Burgers & Fries

Here’s all you need to know:

1 double cheeseburger

1 cheeseburger

1 order of fries

1 diet coke

2 people

16 dollars.

Who the fuck cares how good the burgers are?  For sixteen dollars, my burger better make sweet love to me.

Random Blah blah blahs of a vaguely sexual nature

–I was up all night trying to write up directions (with photos) for how to make you a crochet cooter and on the one hand, it’s hilarious to type things like “Now, keep going until you come to the end of your labia,” writing up directions is more difficult than it seems.  So, I’ll probably not have that posted until this weekend. 

–I keep having these dreams that I’m being forced to move someplace new or being left behind and they’re wearing me out.

–I overslept, but it’s raining, so it’s not like the dog is going to mind not walking.  She will, however, apparently, enjoy sitting at my feet letting these eye-wateringly stinky dog farts.

–As usual, fifty people came here yesterday looking for “hermaphrodite porn.”  I can’t tell you how it both tickles me and mortifies me to think of someone sitting at his computer, one hand on his mouse, the other on himself, all ready to look at some hermaphrodite porn, and he sees my site come up in Google and is suddenly like “Hey, you know, I don’t want to just look at hermaphrodite porn, I want to read about some chick writing about someone looking at hermaphrodite porn.”  And what if one of those folks comes back here and finds this post?  Me writing about them reading about me writing about folks watching hermaphrodite porn?

That thought brings me great joy.

–Also, I got a few hits from someone looking for shiny, handsome, naked Mexican men. Everything else I get.  Who wouldn’t want to look at handsome, naked Mexican men?  But shiny?  Is shiny a trait that puts folks over the top?  I swear, sometimes the internet makes me feel so naive about the ways between folks.

–And, I almost forgot, but this morning, I was laying in bed and I had an itch on my thigh (no, a real itch, you perverts) and I scratched it and I was all “What is this hard thing on my leg?” (Ha, this isn’t even that good a story, but it sure sounds like I’m about to start in with something that will give the hermaphrodite porn folks something to ‘oh god’ about.) and then I realized it was just some muscle.

I have no place on my body that isn’t soft and squishy, usually, and so I was taken aback by it.