Dear Fellow Flu Sufferer,
A day will come when you have explosive shits and are throwing up at the same time. The Butcher was not a liar.
I am here to tell you that you should pray for that day to come because, even thought going through it is one of the more undignified experiences of a person’s life, you will feel a million times better afterwards.
Have hope,
Aunt B.
Tiny Cat Pants 
Ick. I had that with food poisoning some time ago, and was for once grateful that the tiny bathroom was tiny enough to vomit in the sink while sitting on the toilet. Try to stay hydrated.
I’ve had the flu 4 times in my life, and I’ve never had problems with poo or vomit. This sounds like some vicious mutant strain. Wow.
Oh god, B, YUCK! Definitely drink lots of water or you’ll get dehydrated. I’m sorry. If I were just 3 hours closer, I’d shove some food under the door to ya’!
Beth, this is, quite frankly, the worst sick I think I’ve ever been and I once had a mystery illness that made me hallucinate and bleed out of random orifices. Just to give you a measure of how gross this is. And it’s just going on forever, too. I mean, I feel a hundred times better today than I did yesterday and yesterday was 100 times better than the day before and I still feel like hell.
YT, what would really be useful is someone in a hasmat suit to come and do my dishes.