Is Erica Jong on Drugs?!

Sincerely, America.  I had to get up out of my sick bed and come here to ask you “Is Bill Maher writing Erica Jong’s columns for her while she is in a coma or something?”

If this had been in The Onion verbatim I would have laughed until I cried.

First, let’s just overlook the ridiculousness of Erica Jong now arguing that everyone should just get along and work together.  No, what I’d like you to turn your attention to is the metaphor Jong employs to describe Clinton and Obama:

We have two great candidates–one a hard working, never give up eager beaver, and one an inspiring, heart-leapingly brilliant stallion. Both have their merits.

No, I shit you not.  She goes on:

We need beavers and we need stallions. Beavers get the work done. Stallions inspire us. And they both have limitations. Stallions have fragile legs (think Barbaro). And beavers are nothing without their teeth.

Yes, I swear, she says “And beavers are nothing without their teeth.” Poor Clinton.  Seriously, it’s bad enough when her detractors try to frame her as a castrating bitch, now her supporters are arguing that her greatest selling point, aside from her hard work, is that she’s a “beaver” with teeth?

As Sarge says in the old Beetle Bailey cartoon, when he’s hanging off a cliff, and that dimwitted guy wants to talk about his feelings, “Send different help!”

As for comparing Obama to a stallion, America, I hope I don’t have to point out to you how problematic that is.

Okay, and see, that’s the other thing about Jong’s post that pisses me off–in the hands of an astute comedian, comparing Clinton to a beaver and Obama to a stallion could be hilarious and biting political satire.  You have, right there, perfectly embodied, the two anxieties white men supposedly have about women and black men: women, when given power, will bite your dicks off with our teeth-lined vaginas and black men, with their insatiable sexual appetites and their being hung like horses will steal all the women from you, if given an even shot.  What then, is the lesser of two “evils”?

But no, instead, Jong tries to just use them as almost bland metaphors–as if she’s blind to the very sexual anxiety the images invoke–Clinton is just a busy hard-worker.  Obama’s just beautiful and natural and inspiring.  It’s like watching someone using a broadsword as a flyswatter.  It’s not very effective and it’s no wonder she keeps doing more harm than good.

11 thoughts on “Is Erica Jong on Drugs?!

  1. I love her ‘argument’ toward the end that if Cheney and Obama are distantly related (and, having just watched ‘Journey of Man,’ I can say that they are because everyone is) then race and gender issues are suddenly moot. Because?

    But this:

    “And the sooner they bring the beaver and the stallion together, the better off we’ll all be.”

    sounds like the end of a dirty story told by Jack Handy.

  2. KCB, no kidding. I kept wondering when the “Boom chicka wah wah”s were going to break out.

    I was also curious about her describing America as becoming some racial utopia like Brazil. Did Brazil get their racial problems fixed over the weekend or something?

  3. Brazil stopped collecting data on racial identity in their census because it was getting to be really inconvenient when their political critics could point out the overwhelming correspondence between being Afro-Brazilian and being unimaginably poor. So voila — they just stopped providing the ability to analyze their social problems in reference to race. And we all know that when we stop being able to accurately describe and analyze a problem with empirical data, the problem ceases to exist, right?

    That’s not drugs. That’s just old-fashioned dumbassitude.

  4. I know that’s why I don’t balance my checkbook. If I don’t know that I’m overdrawn, I can’t possibly be overdrawn, right?


  5. holy moly that is an awful article. It’s embarrassing!

    but that is totally why I don’t balance my checkbook either.

  6. I knew I shouldn’t have clicked on that! I swear it was like I could actually *feel* my IQ dropping.Thanks for the laugh, Aunt B., and hope you get better soon. Damn sick-germs!

  7. Sweet Jesus. Really? It’s NOT out of The Onion? I’m… completely flabbergasted. (And here I’d thought I was finally unflabbergastable.)

    Boggle. This may rank as one of the most surreal election-related items I’ve come across to date.

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