A Confession

I have a friend who works at the same place I do, but in a much more important position than I do, and every time I run into him, he’s talking about his ergonomic chairs in his office, which are see-through.

And I have to tell you, I spend a lot of time sitting in my office, behind my desk made of glorified cardboard, thinking about invisible chairs. Being slightly jealous of those invisible chairs.

It’s not like I really want see-through chairs. I just want something in my office that other people would covet, a little bit.

Yes, I covet covetable things.

I have half a mind to sneak over to his office and take a picture of his see-through chair, just to post it here.

Then you, too, can covet the chair I covet, even though I’ve never seen it, though I’m not sure I could see it even if I could.

Mar 28

I Feel Like I Should Oppose the Opposition to Toll Roads on Principle

So, the conservatives of our fine state are up in arms because the governor wants to put in some toll roads and I’m really suspicious of anything the conservatives want that appears to make sense on the surface.

Are the opposing the toll roads because toll money is going to be used to provide healthcare for children? Are the toll roads designed to slow down traffic in front of pre-k providers? Just what is it that’s keeping the conservatives so angry?

Well, it rarely happens, but I have to tell you, I believe the conservatives are angry because this is just a stupid idea. Why, you may ask, are toll roads in Tennessee a stupid idea?

1. We are a state of many roads going to the same places. If I, for instance, want to go to Dickson, I can get on about five different roads. If it’s going to cost me money to get on one of those roads, I will just switch to another.

2. Where are these toll roads going to go? Because I’ve driven all over this state and the only stretch of road that seems to consistantly have enough traffic to support tolls is I-24 between Nashville and Chattanooga.

3. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Do state legislators actually drive through our cities? You think traffic is bad now, let’s make everyone stop every mile or two to pay a toll.

4. Have our state legislators ever been to a toll booth? In general, on busy interstates, you have twice as many toll lanes as you do regular lanes, if not more. If you put tolls in or near cities, just where exactly are all these toll lanes going to go?

5. If you don’t put tolls on busy roads, how is that cost effective? How long will it take to offset the cost of putting in the tolls with the actual tolls paid?

6. We are a poor state and almost every city in it has shitty public transportation. Public transportation between cities is virtually non-existant. Forcing people to pay tolls when they drive, when they have no other alternatives, is kind of a bullshit move.

Anyway, I wonder if any of you know where these proposed toll roads are supposed to go. I’m very curious.