Let’s Make a List

To whom would you attribute unchecked smolderation?  This wouldn’t have to be a person by any means conventionally good looking, but just someone who does it for you.  We were trying to explain to my intern, who had never heard of Raul Malo and thought that pictures of him made him look like a jolly uncle, that, in person, he’s got it.

If I had to pick five guys, mine are:

1.  Muddy Waters

2.  Dean Martin

3.  Chico from Divine Designs, especially when his hair is long

4.  Grant from Ghost Hunters (and, for similar reasons, Julian from Trailer Park Boys)

5.  Trace Adkins

And for girls

1.  Queen Latifah

2.  This philosopher the Professor knows.

3.  Bessie Smith

4.  Beth Ditto

5.  Brittney!  Yes, it’s true.  She just pleases me.  I should have worn better bras around her when she was in town.

39 thoughts on “Let’s Make a List

  1. I’m beyond flattered. You need no special bras, Miss Thang, to let me know that you have a most appealing chestal area.

    I need to get me a flight back ASAP so I can see its full splendor once more.

  2. Chico?!? I promised myself I would say nothing about anyone’s list, but Chico drives me nuts on a personal level.

    Or maybe it’s just the overflow from all the nutsdriving Candace does to me.


    My list, open for scorn from ALL (and assuming living personages only):

    [Honorary #1 spot goes to Robert Shaw, but since he ain’t livin’…]

    1. Rutger Hauer
    2. Peter Dinklage
    3. Vin Diesel (I know he doesn’t HAVE to be good looking to be on this list…but mama, please!)
    4. Liev Schreiber
    5. Eddie Izzard


    1. Queen Latifah
    2. Norah Jones
    3. Sandra Rinomato on Property Virgins
    4. Tea Leoni
    5. Ellen DeGeneres (She’s one of the funniest women on planet earth…and that’s a yummy thing.)

  3. Ooooh, fun!

    Because I refuse to name any men I know personally, this list is far from all-inclusive…
    1. Barry Gibb
    2. George Clooney
    3. Hugh Laurie
    4. Jeff Fisher
    5. Robert Plant

    Whereas, I will venture into “the females I know personally” territory…again, far from all-inclusive…
    1.Kate O
    2. Brittney
    3. saraclark
    4. Newscoma
    5. Graceless

  4. I could never name women I know personally. They’d all be fighting over me…

    “You take her!’

    “NO! You take her!”

    “But you drew the short straw”

    “Your name is first alphabetically!”

    “This isn’t the library”

    …and on and on and on.

  5. 5 living men I don’t know who are 2HOTT:
    Sean Connery
    Al Pacino
    Steve Earle (I know, I know)
    Idris Elba
    Robert Downey, Jr.

    5 living women ditto:
    Portia dei Rossi
    Queen Latifah
    Tift Merritt
    Isabelle Adjani
    Kate Winslett

  6. I’m honestly not fishing for compliments. I truly believe that any woman who knows me would rather sleep with a battery operated device. They talk less, eat less and whine less about the weather.

    Whereas men will pretty much succumb to any woman, the women I know are a bit pickier when it comes to lovin’.

    Oh and how could I forget Idris Elba?!? How?!? I’ll sub out Liev Schrieber.

    And you’lll be nice and let me so I don’t say “STEVE EARLE?!?!” in that tone of voice….

  7. What, no men playing? Ok, I’ll go first.


    1. Dr. Cornell West
    2. Bradley Whitford
    3. George Clooney
    4. The Missus’ husband
    5. Rachel Moss


    1. Janet Napolitano
    2. Chrissy Hynde
    3. Corinne Bailey Rae
    4. Kim Campbell
    5. The Butcher

    Tee hee.

  8. Ha, Rachel Moss. I was all like, was that someone famous from long before I was born?

    And the ex-prime minister of Canada? Really? Well, to each their own.

    I have to rearrange mine to fit Idris Elba on there, that’s for sure. Chico, I’m sorry. You may have to go.

  9. William Holden
    Gregory Peck
    Can it be people I know?
    CLC (shocking revelation, huh? Heh. He knows that)
    Ummm…that’s it…well it really isn’t but I’m not at liberty to say the other one who gets my groove on in a public forum.

  10. I’ve tried this 3 x. Hope this works. I wanna play!

    1. James Garner
    2. Dwight Yoakam
    3. John Cusack
    4. Sean Bean
    5. Clive Owen

    I’m having a hard time listing women. So here’s a few I like…

    1. Natalie Portman
    2. Cate Blanchett
    3. Kate Winslett (thank you nm)
    4. Sigourney Weaver
    5. Uma Thurman

  11. I remembered that I need to take out Isabelle Adjani or Tift Merritt and put in Susan Sarandon. And, Kat, like I said: I know, I know.

  12. The girls

    Tina Fey
    Erin Andews (mmmm yummy)
    That Milf who does those Overstock.com commercials
    Miranda Lambert
    Stevie Nicks (don’t really know why)

    And if I have to list men…

    Any member of the 1996 NCAA Champion UK Wildcats.

  13. There are some givens that I won’t bother articulating. George Clooney is just a “well, yeah, baby…” and so is Hugh Laurie. So is Brad Paisley’s butt and Paul Newman’s eyes. I don’t see how there could be much disagreement on those. My other list is more esoteric, though.

    1. Dan “Tall, Dark, and Ranchin'” Flores
    2. Michael Berube
    3. Owen Wilson
    4. Mike Lowell
    5. Jason Taylor

    1. Aunt B.
    2. Mary Chapin Carpenter
    3. Lucinda Williams
    4. Dar Williams
    5. My friend who blogs under the name imfunnytoo (hot since at least 1982…)

  14. I truly believe that any woman who knows me would rather sleep with a battery operated device. They talk less, eat less and whine less about the weather.

    ha ha ha ha ha ha

    You know who smolders me to Cincinnati and back? Tony Shalhoub. KILLS me. Dead. I would like to cover the man in rose petals, if I could stand up to do it. Which I probably couldn’t.

    So right about Queen Latifah, too. Achingly beautiful woman – I’d even argue one of the most beautiful living women, and *inhabited* beauty. All hail the Queen. She’s smokin’. And she can flex between high femme and hard butch in seconds without losing a speck of her Queen Latifah-ness, which I love.

    Chow Yun-Fat. Can’t talk, swooning. Swooning. Swooning.

    I have a hard time coming up with swoon-inducing women from mainstream media because they’re mostly emaciated and largely indistinguishable from one another to me, in smolder-terms. I love Kate Winslett for her mad skills and face and politics etc., particularly about women and media images, but she’s not really my type. Ditto Cate Blanchett and Michelle Yeoh and Hillary Swank and Jodie Foster and Janine Garofalo and a bunch of other interesting, smart, intellectually exciting tough women actors I love. (Actually, I’d seriously make out with Janine Garofalo.)

    But where have all the butches gone? Sigh. Where are all the crooked smiles, the muscular backs, the short haircuts, the mad and constant upsetting of gender roles, the long strides, the charismatic and not-like-everyone-else and competent and fierce women with healthy, strong bodies and aggressive, quirky, complicated minds?

    (Ends rant, because it could go on and on and is starting to.)

    I forgive Viggo Mortensen for being skinny because he’s actually got a scintillating BRAIN to smolder mine. Also skinny-passes for Evan Adams, whose grin knocks me down, and Don Cheadle, because not only is he absurdly beautiful, he can do ANYTHING.

  15. I’m not criticizing anyone’s choices, but would someone explain the Hugh Laurie thing to me? He’s one remarkable actor, always interesting to watch, but I can’t get even the teensiest tingle from him. Frankly, Tony Shalhoub makes a lot more sense to me. Oh, and if I were going to start including famous Asian actors on my lists, Gong Li would move one of the other women down a notch.

  16. Hugh Laurie — funny, clever, smart, versatile, shrewd, biker, musician. What isn’t to like?

  17. Dang, I had forgotten about Don Cheadle. Buh-bye, Mike Lowell. (He was a cheat-choice anyhow. My husband is a dead ringer for Mike Lowell so I have one of those at home already.)

  18. See, I think Hugh Laurie is exactly a great representative of the “unchecked smolderation” phenomenon. Because for some people, he’s just going to do it, and for other people, such as me, he’s not.

    I would have put Viggo on the list, but I think I’m more done in by the idea of his Lord of the Rings character than I am by him.

    I, too, thought it was cool to see Queen Latifah on so many people’s lists, but I do think it’s because she inhabits herself so fully. I mean, yes, she’s beautiful, but it’s more than that.

    I do think, too, that the hot butch genre of women is one of the most glaringly obvious holes in mainstream media. The Professor’s friend is so damn cute and Plimco has a friend that just radiates this kind of tough-ass energy that you’d think that any artist would want to put that on screen or on stage and see what happens with it.

  19. (Seriously, Aunt B. Audiences respond in a big way, too – done 2 stage plays with gender-bending/drag-king/FTM/intentionally un-labelled/un-explained leads and people were smoldered, even/especially people who were not expecting to be. You’d think Hollywood would catch on to the money-draw, if not the justice. But NO. Sigh.)

    It’s Viggo’s poet-scholar-activist-thing that floats my boat. That and that he’s all crooked and weird looking.

    Okay, back to swooning at the Temple of Chow.

    Oh, wait, I actually have things to do today, dammit.

  20. OK, so I’m just gonna have to accept y’all’s Hugh Laurie as the analog to my Steve Earle. I know that most people don’t get it, but to me he’s a no-brainer of smolderation: romantic, sweet-talking, funny, curious, political, self-confident. Fortunately, it makes sense to my husband. There’s nothing more off-putting, I expect, than a significant other who doesn’t understand why so-and-so turns one on.

  21. My wife is quite fond of Alan Rickman and Clive Owen. It took me a moment to understand the Rickman thing, but I think I get it. I’m now taxing my brain to think of a woman who has the kind of dark, strong, silent, smouldering hotness that Clive Owen radiates. At least one who does it for me, anyway.

    I can see Hugh Laurie. Even though he was quite good at playing Bertie Wooster-type characters, the man can handle complexity.

  22. I love Alan Rickman and he does have a certain sumpin, but, in Love Actually, he looked disturbingly like Bill Gaither and it ruint him for me.

  23. What’s the group consensus on Robert Carlyle? He keeps choosing roles that are completely unlikeable (like Hitler), yet I go on liking him…

  24. I can see the Robert Carlyle thing ’cause I’ve always had a thing for boys across the pond.

    Speaking of unflattering roles, Colin Firth and Ralph Feinnes make me swoon even as Nazis. A once private shame, not so private anymore.

    I love Tony Shalhoub too as well as the actor that plays Det. Stottlemeyer. He needs a hug.

    Also love Stanley Tucci.

    Cold shower time!

  25. Every woman in America, gay or straight, got wet as Shamu when Viggo hopped out of the boat in the last Hobbit movie.

    Hehehe. He was a man in the boat. Hehehe.

    This is what I get for hanging out with middle schoolers all day.

    As for R. Carlyle, watch 28 Weeks Later and tell me what a catch he is.

  26. Every woman in America, gay or straight, got wet as Shamu when Viggo hopped out of the boat in the last Hobbit movie.

    I dug it when he and Hidalgo ate locusts.

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