One weird side-effect of the whole house-hunting thing has been witnessing people’s weirdness about the Butcher. And, honestly, I can’t decide if it’s weirdness about the Butcher or weirdness about money. Maybe a little of both.
See, I’m waiting to make an offer on the house until after the Butcher sees it. And, apparently, this is shocking. But he lives with me. He helps pay bills. And I trust his judgment. And yet, even this morning folks were like “Who’s paying for this house? Who’s name is going to be on the mortgage?”
But I trust the Butcher. Even if he didn’t live with me, I’d want him to see the house before I made a commitment to it. And not because he has a magical penis (because, of course, that’s why I had Mack take a look at it), but because he knows me better than most people and I trust his opinion about whether I’m doing the right thing. And it’s not that I’d let him override me; I just want to have his opinion to take into account.
But the whole “who controls the money in the house” issue has been one that’s been ongoing–not for us, I don’t think–but for the people around us. I remember some of the Butcher’s crazy Christian friends who I took to Noshville where they proceeded to pray loudly and then steal things. They were so obnoxious to the waitress that I gave her a 50% tip. When we got home, they told on me to the Butcher, said I was being a bad steward of his money. You know, since he was the man. And men are supposed to control the household money.
This is kind of off-track, but in my mind, linked, because it feels like that same kind of ridiculous surety, someone might let Pastor Pete know that “sincere” DOES NOT mean “without wax” and any quick trip to the OED or even Wikipedia would have told him that he’s spreading an untruth. I can’t say that it’s a “Breaking the Big Ten” level of untruth, but it does go to show that sincerity of belief and the Truth are not the same thing, which is probably a good lesson.
I don’t mean that as a snark against Pastor Pete. He seems like a fine guy from his blog. Maybe it’s not fair to call him out, not being a member of his community. I think I won’t link to him. No need to butt in and be rude.
But, since we’ve decided not to butt in and be rude, can I tell you how much I love that he’s taken a word that is probably pagan at root–“Oxford English Dictionary and most scholars state that sincerity from sincere is derived from the Latin sincerus meaning clean, pure, sound (1525–35). Sincerus may have once meant “one growth” (not mixed), from sin- (one) and crescere (to grow). Crescere derives from “Ceres,” the goddess of grain, as in “cereal.”–and, through his pseudo-etymology, untroubled it for himself theologically?
Tiny Cat Pants 
B. you do what you need to do. I am very much looking forward to hearing your bro’s thoughts on the home. And by the way… I talked with the listing company today and the seller is ecstatic about the 3rd look. :)
Um, who is Pastor Pete and what point is he trying to make about sincerity?
Magic penis? What, does it do housework & mow the yard? Hee.
It has a super special way to melt snow.
And that statement alone is why I love nm.
It never struck me until now, but buying a home is a lot like a colonial “affair of honor.” The principals don’t actually address each other; they communicate through their seconds, they seek counsel very broadly, they talk to their family, they try to sound out the reputation of the opposing party and research the interest, they try to build consensus about the wisdom of their chosen course of action…and more often than not, no one winds up shot and everyone goes home feeling like they acquitted themselves well.
A good second keeps you alive. Sounds like Kathy T. is a good second.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t utter the phrases you mentioned in your post, and, since we haven’t talked much today, I’ll assume you are not referring to a conversation we had recently.
That said…If I WAS to chime in about The Butcher’s input, I’d say, sure, yes, he’s a relative, he is close to you, and he might know if there is something about the house that is not right for you, maybe something you, me, Kathy all miss.
Beyond that, I’m not sure I’d place much value on his take. He has shown no interest in making his own way in the world, and is happy to let you provide a roof and at times, a car. I love my brother too, and I would let him live with me indefinitely, regardless of how sloth-like he might be. (Hes’ not, I’m just using him as an example)
What I wouldn’t do is consider his input on a major purchase, because that requires experience, and at least a little courage, and some commitment to financial literacy. (again, just an example, I’d hate to think anyone thought my 63 yr old brother is a bum, he’s certainly isn’t)
Most of us only know the Butcher through what you tell us right here on TCP. So, if someone has reached a conclusion that is inaccurate, you may be partly to blame.
Chances are good, though, whatever advice he offers won’t be construed as “bossing you around.”
The way I see it… This is one of the biggest decisions you’ll have to make in this lifetime. Do whatever you need to do to be at peace with yourself. Wait for the butcher, drink some sangria under the full moon, flip a buffalo nickel. Whatever it takes. Your life works best when you are at peace with yourself. Find that peace wherever you can.
NM, I think that, if you google “Pete” and “without wax” you should find the pastor in question.
Mack, contrary to popular belief, I do know more folks than just the folks at TCP. And, I believe for our situation to be analogous, we’d have to ask your brother if he would ask for your advice.
Kathy T., I hope he loves it, because I’m already imagining sitting with him in the den.
B., Den schmen… I’m imagining the porch swing and the old metal lawn furniture (like Ivy has on her front porch) under the carport . But let’s wait to go there until you’re ready and we have a binding contract!
Aunt B. I hope everything oes well for you in your home search and I hope you have found the right home for you. At the closing make sure your realtor has snacks and drinks for you! This Kathy T. likes to fatten people up while they look at homes….lol..she is a wonderful realtor and friend. good luck again and when you get moved in show us pics please!!
I thought upon my meeting of the Butcher that he seemed to follow your lead…. that is, you were the one doing the talking and he just stood there quietly tending to the case of PBR like a good man should.
Did I mention the wisteria seeds have mystical powers over men? Powers or persuasion?
Yes, indeed!
that should read Powers OF Persuasion
My unsolicited advice is to just say trust yourself, B. Part of trusting your own judgment is trusting your own choices and who you turn to for advice and input. Only you can make those choices, and do not let anybody make you feel bad for them.
I’m very excited for you…as stressful as this process can be, remember the prize you’re going to get at the finish line!
I think we ALL should go and see it!
That would be hilarious! Mack would be all “Oh, your readers are so irresponsible, I don’t know why you care what they think.” and I would have to point out to him that he is one of my readers, just as I must repeatedly point out to him that, now that he’s like family, he might stop talking bad about my family. I swear, when someone is loyal to La Famiglia, they make movies about it. When I’m loyal to mio famiglia, I get dissed on my own blog and mio fratello gets called a bum. Horse-heads have been put in sheets for less than that.