This Isn’t Politics, This is the Most Awesome Soap Opera EVER!

Imagine, if you will, two small babies, born August 4th, 1961. One is the gentle, sweet Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. and the other is the son of Satan, himself, Barack Muhommad Hussein Obama. And, what should happen but BHOJ is smothered in the crib in the nursery by BMHO, whose goal is to switch places with BHOJ and take over the world. But, at the last minute, a nurse, through some terrible mix-up, switches BMHO with another baby, whose name was… Jeff Gordon!

And so, the son of Satan went home with the Gordons and became a NASCAR driver while the real Jeff Gordon assumed the identity of BMHO who was in the process of assuming the identity of BHOJ.

The only good that can come of this is that the Republicans can now rest assured that the man now known as Barack Obama was indeed born in the United States.

(And is it just me or is this now very close to the plot of Good Omens?)

Meanwhile, Satan, though thwarted by the unknowing nurse, tries again to influence American politics by leading McCain’s probably VP pick into temptation.

Luckily, he’s such a douchenozzle that, in spite of Satan’s every attempt to throw Him(Her)self at the future Governor of Louisiana, the future Governor remains unmoved.

And Susan should thank God for that every day, because, just like a douchenozzle, Jindal is something that should for sure be kept out of your vagina.

Where will Satan crop up next?

It’s hard saying, but you can bet that I’ll have my eye on Cindy McCain.