In honor of not getting the house, I will tell you the story of the Sigma Chi rock, and then the SuperGenius will come along and tell you the truth.
No, I think I remember it right.
But see, here’s the deal. We hated the Sigma Chi guys–with some exceptions, but in general–because on our campus, they were just like giant roaming cocks, in every sense of the word. They just were giant smug assholes. And, at a time when everyone else on campus was living in kind of small crappy rooms (even the other Greek houses weren’t that great), they built themselves this giant fortress on prime real estate as if to further announce that none of the rest of us were ever getting into that house unless they were going to carry us back there to gang rape us.
And they put a rock out front, like a tiny boulder, with “ΣΧ” carved in it, as if to announce to the world their everlasting presense.
Well, the SuperGenius and I were in town that summer. She was house-sitting for one of our professors and I was living with the soccer team and the Libertarian in a crappy house behind a bar. And we would, as Midwesterners do, get drunk and wander the streets of the city–the SuperGenius and I. The Libertarian spent his days smoking pot and playing Civilization II.
And we made it our mission to defile that rock. We would walk by and kick it, throw things at it, roll our eyes at it. Whatever. We even stuck a stick of margerine on it hoping that it would melt and ants would come and infest the rock. Which ended up not happening, but instead, led to an unfortunate rock-discoloration.
And, one night, while the SuperGenius watched to make sure no cars were coming, I walked right over to that rock, dropped trou, squatted, and… Well, I was young. And immature.
But every once in a while, when I’m back visiting the College Professor, I’ll drive by that rock and snicker to myself.
I hope they don’t make pledges lick that rock or anything…
Okay, yes, I kind of do.