Dear Sir (or Ma’am, but I’m guessing ‘Sir’):
When you search for “‘tiny cat pants’ fat bitch” or “‘tiny cat pants’ sloppy bitch,” and you then click on results that bring you to Tiny Cat Pants, I can see that you’ve been using those search terms. If, in the future, you’d like to see if anyone else thinks I’m a fat bitch or a sloppy bitch, you have a couple of semi-honorable ways to do that and a couple of sneaky ways.
One, you could email me and ask if you’re the only person who thinks I’m a fat, sloppy bitch. I would then, of course, know who you were and have your IP address and all your email header information, so maybe that doesn’t appeal to you. Two, you could leave a comment here asking if you’re the only person who thinks I’m a fat, sloppy bitch. I would, again, have your IP address, so, if that would lead me to any interesting realizations, perhaps that’s not a good option for you.
Or you could choose to be sneaky. You could email folks and say “Oh, I heard that someone is running around the internets calling Aunt B. a fat, sloppy bitch. Who would do such a thing?” and folks might email you back and say “It wasn’t me, but god. Isn’t she?”
Or, perhaps the most simple, you could just not click on search results that bring you here, because I assure you, other than in this post, there’s no place on Tiny Cat Pants where I’m calling myself or anyone else a fat, sloppy bitch.
But, in case you’re wondering, yes, yes I am. I am a fat, sloppy bitch.
Worry your pretty little head about it no more.
p.s. I know it’s a hard concept, but “Tiny Cat Pants” is the name of this blog. “Aunt B.” is the nom de plume of this blogger. Tiny Cat Pants is not a person. It is a blog and therefore can neither be fat nor sloppy nor a bitch. It’s a little like you wondering if a piece of paper with some words written on it is a fat, sloppy bitch. No, see, you want to know if the author is a fat, sloppy bitch, not the medium.