Aunt B., Your Social Director

1. If you have a stash of plastic grocery bags you’d like to get rid of, the Professor and I will be driving around Saturday afternoon between 1-4 and will gladly pick them up. If you’re home, we’ll chat with you. If you’re not, leave them on your front stoop and we’ll give your neighbors reason to eye you suspiciously.

2. If you are a local blogger and you want to see Footloose, email me and I’ll pass your email along to a guy who can totally hook you up. Unless he already emailed you, in which case, I’m not so cool.

3. I hate to say that I told you so, but I told you so, kind of.

4. Argh. No! He rhymes “things” with “things!” I’m willing to concede every point you make, but how can you give a thumbs up to a song that rhymes “things” with “things?” It’s the same word! It’s not a rhyme. It’s like when poetry fails.

It is literally impossible to write a rhyme that sucks that bad though I am willing to try. “We were trying different things, we were smoking funny things, we were made out of rock like Things, we were all about the Old Icelandic forms of governing called Things, singing Sweet Home Alabama all night long. Woo woo woo.” No, see, even one more “thing” would have dragged it out of “stupid” into wink-and-nod “silly.”

No, I’m sorry. You might be right, but you are wrong.

…Making a crush into a thing…

…wondering what exactly is that thing…

And now you’re going to have me singing that all afternoon.

Thanks for nothing, best country music blog on the web.

14 thoughts on “Aunt B., Your Social Director

  1. Like I commented over there, I thought Kenny Chesney was the undisputed king of country summer music. I really don’t like his music, but there’s no doubt he’s on a mission to 1) channel the hell out of Jimmy Buffett, and 2) promote the joys of summertime.

  2. Ha! no problem. Your post made me LOL by the way.

    Technically, “Bottle” and “Tomorrow” are not rhymes either–they are near rhymes. The only true rhymes in the chorus come from the 3 and 6 lines.

    1 We were tryin’ different things
    2 We were smokin’ funny things
    3 Makin’ love out by the lake to our favorite SONG
    4 Sippin’ whisky out the bottle
    5 Not thinkin’ ’bout tomorrow
    6 Singin’ ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ all summer LONG

    Semantically, there’s no difference between 1/2 and 4/5. The near rhymes just help to ease things along linguistically.

    But if you had any other kind but a six line chorus, it wouldn’t work. Here, the emphasis isn’t on the near rhymes, so it’s ok. You could choose to not rhyme those lines at all, and it wouldn’t really matter.

    Although in that case you usually end up with a 1/4 2/6 “internal” rhyme.

    In your example, not only do you clearly break the rhyme scheme, but you’re missing a line altogether. :

    1 We were trying different things
    2 We were smoking funny things
    3 We were made out of rock like Things
    4 We were all about the Old Icelandic forms of governing called Things
    5 Singing Sweet Home Alabama all night long.

    “We were all about Old Icelandic forms of governing called Things.” Awesome. I wish that line was actually in the song.

    Tiny Cat Pants rule!

  3. AuntB, you can save a lot of gas by going to walmart, self-checkout yourself a good wad of bags. You’ll probably use less oil (in the car + what’s used to make the bags). Just a thought from a tiny corner of my very large brain.

  4. We’re going to cut them into strips, tie the strips together, and crochet bags out of them. This means, I guess, that I have to stop fucking around on my witch’s hat and get that finished and enlist Mack’s help in constructing a form to shape it on after I felt it. Which, I will state here, in hopes that he sees it so that he’s not surprised when I ask him about it later.

  5. Why are you giving Mack more reasons to put off finishing the chicken coop?

    And we might have a stash of bags at home; I’ll have to check. Every once in a while we take them in for recycling.

  6. I have a ton of those plastic bags — I try not to get them, but somehow the grocery store sneaks them in there…

    they’re yours for the taking.

  7. Coop is done? Has it got chickens in it?

    And whaddaya mean, where have I been? I haven’t noticed myself being missing.

  8. I direct you to

    “Everybody’s rapping like it’s a commercial
    Acting like life is a big commercial”

    the beastie boys (sort of the Kid Rock of the northeast), from Pass the Mic

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