One of the Weirder Things that Happened to Me This Weekend

So, I ended up in a pitch-black bathroom with two women–one a total stranger and the other I had met only once before.  The total stranger removes her bathing suit top, takes a flashlight, puts it on the underside of her breast, turns said flashlight on and…

And, frankly, America, it was the coolest thing I saw all weekend and I had a weekend full of Kleinheider AND DB leading everyone in a rousing rendition of “Deep and Wide” with the fountain and the flowing.

Her whole boob lit up like a paper lantern and glowed this soft warm red glow, interrupted only by the occasional vein winding its way across like rivers on an ancient map.

If I were a stripper at the Claremont, and if I had fake tits, it would be impossible for me to resist incorporating that little bit of knowledge into my act.  I would have them put on Also sprach Zarathustra and it would be pitch black and it would go like this

Bum (I light up one boob and then turn it off)

Bum (I light up the other boob and then turn it off)

Bum (I light them both up)

Bada (The lights come on and I swing my boobs rhythmically to the tympani in the background).

Lights off and repeat.

Once again.

And the lights come up and I have sparklers and people throw dollars at me!

So, really, it’d be a lot like what happens when I blog, except with an audience.  Which, really, would be tons better, because I have a hard time getting the sparklers lit and not catching the dollar bills on fire when I have to do that all myself.

Eyebrows Raised

Hobbs just cannot, for the life of him, figure out why no media would bother to turn out for one of John McCain’s top economic advisers’ press conference.

Really.

I have it from a reliable source that the press release announcing the conference caused folks some trouble–the directions said to go to the border of Iraq and Afghanistan and then hang a left until you got to Czechoslovakia–and folks got lost en route.

Hee.

IPod Mystery

So, I was just listening to Nina Simone singing “See Line Woman”

and the very next song was Feist singing “Sealion”

Until this moment, I’d been under the impression that it was “C-line Woman.”

I get that a sea lion woman might be like a selkie, but with a love of caffeinated drinks, but I’m not sure at all what a see line woman is.

Any ideas?

Settlers

I read this over at The Sanctuary.  I would have watched it, but apparently I have the version of the internet that believes if YouTube can’t show you it in twenty seconds, you don’t need to see it at all.