Yeah, I know all the cool slang the young kids use and throw it around just to ruin it for you! That’s right, just like I’ve ruined pit bulls and rap music with my driving around with both of them coming out of my car, and you hoping to see somebody worth seeing and ending up with the likes of me, yes, me, who is now just as firmly associated with pit bulls and rap music as any ne’er-do-well in your mind, I’m also taking up ruining good slang for your illegal indulgences.
You might ask “why” young Nashville, why would I go around ruining perfectly good stuff by associating itself with me? It’s not on purpose. It just seems to be my luck.
And so, in keeping with that theme, I am apparently single-handedly ruining Whites Creek.
Okay, let us backtrack. Because, Nashville, you know I love you, but my pet-peeve with you is the way that you use “rough” as a euphamism for “a lot of black people” or “bad” as a euphamism for “a lot of black people.” I hate being warned out of Shelby Bottoms because it’s in a “rough” part of town or dissuaded from taking my nephews to play in the fountain at Bicentennial Park because it’s in a “bad” part of town only to discover that what you actually mean is that it’s in a part of town where a bunch of black people live.
You know, Nashville, it about makes you into the boy who cried wolf. There are indeed bad parts of town, rough parts of town, but who the hell can tell from talking to you whether a part of town is rough or bad or just a place where a lot of black people live?
So, I told folks we were moving to Whites Creek and a couple of people were like “Oh, that’s rough up there.” And I was like “Um, yeah, did I mention the half a million dollar homes behind us? The homes with Cadillacs across the street?” But I think it’s just that there are a lot of black people in Whites Creek, that that’s supposed to make it “rough.” Like folks who can afford the homes back behind us are just waiting for an excuse to loot or riot?
I don’t know. Anyway, my point is that if you were living in Whites Creek, getting street cred for living in a “rough” place, I am yet again single-handedly ruining that reputation with my presense.
Sorry about that. And now that I know what “going to a prayer meeting” or “having a prayer meeting” means, you can rest assured that little bit of slang is now too dorky for you to use as well.