Well, Damn It. That Made Me Cry.

I started my long slide out of Christianity when I realized that, unless God were incredibly cruel to people who didn’t deserve it, there could be no Hell, or at least no one in it.  After all, everyone I know has someone whose life is a little better because that first person is in it, no matter how big a jackass that first person is.  So, if you love Jackass A, even if I hate him, even if I know he deserves to rot, how can I wish for you an eternity separated from the person you love?  How could that be Heaven for you, without all your loved ones, even the fuckers?

My dad has this theory, which I love, that Heaven and Hell could be the same place, but when you are stripped of the blinders of this life, and you can fully see the whole weight of your actions and understand the magnitude of the suffering you caused or the pleasure you spread, that same place could be for you either Heaven or Hell.

I mention all this because I guess, at the end of the day, I don’t know how to be out of sympathy with the lovers–and I mean that with a small, untawdry “l”–the frail, imperfect people who try to open themselves up to other frail, imperfect people and to do their best by them.

And so, reading about him taking his nieces to Disneyland just broke my heart right in two for him.  It put me on his side.  Not that it matters.

But it’s important to admit when you’re wrong.

I’m a jackass.  What can I say?

10 thoughts on “Well, Damn It. That Made Me Cry.

  1. I am very happy to see this. I’m pressed for time right now, so I’m willing to risk the inevitable fall-out, but I always figured you would get here.

    There is ALWAYS something redeeming in a life.

  2. Yeah, that’s why I think people are way too hard on folks like Hitler. You know, there were alot of pople that liked him, and after all who are we to say he was wrong? He had strong convictions that he was willing to stand up for. You gotta respect him.

  3. Oh, seriously, fuck off. Come on. Oooo, Hitler. No one can ever have a reasonable and thoughtful conversation about the nature of how far love goes because there was Hitler.

    I’m just going to say this, even though it’s bound to be unpopular, especially on the internet, where if you can’t make a comparison to Nazis, you just about can’t have a discussion, but there’s really kind of ghoulish about hauling out Hitler every time you want to make a point you don’t want to have to defend. I mean, you know he was responsible for the deaths of relatives of people who read this blog, right?

    And, again, no, at the end of the day, even Hitler had people who loved him. His own brother, who fought against him in the war and changed his name and hid in America still named his son for his brother.


    Because here in the real world, it’s just not that easy. People who do vile, evil things still have folks who care about them and who wish with all their hearts things could have gone differently.

    I don’t have to think that Hitler deserves salvation or forgiveness or that he was a good guy to recognize that folks out there cared about him. In fact, I don’t believe in salvation, don’t think forgiveness of him is mine to dole out, and I clearly don’t think he was by any stretch worthy of respect. I can still recognize the anguish his family felt that he was who he was. And I can recognize that without somehow having it take away from or diminish the atrocities he’s responsible for.

    But god damn it, you know what he deserves, at the least? To be relegated to the trash heap of history. Every time folks like you invoke him and walk him around as your conversation ending bogeyman no matter how inapplicable, you’re keeping him animated and powerful.

    Why would you do that?

  4. As a Christian I believe several things:

    God planned redemption for Hitler just like anybody else.
    Hitler’s sins are–in the eyes of God–no worse than anyone else’s.
    All sin is equal in that it seperates us from dialog with God, so whether you’ve murdered a bajillion people or lied on your taxes it’s a sin and you’ve got to get right with God.

    About Hell–I’m no longer sure what I think about it. I believe it exists, but I am starting to think it is ultimately intended for Satan and demons only–it is not a human place.

    The one thing I do know is that I am not charged with knowing what is in the minds and hearts of others and that each person’s relationship with any god is their business. I’m called merely to walk in love with my God and let everyone know that they, too, can have that opportunity.

  5. I’m called merely to walk in love with my God and let everyone know that they, too, can have that opportunity.

    Agreed, though I’d add that the walk will vary in pace and style, but the end result is the same.

  6. Ya know, I came to similar conclusions some years back. I’m from Okla. City. Yes, I’m bringing up “that other bad guy.” You see, when they first splashed a picture of McVey on the screen, I stopped breathing. He could nearly pass for my brother’s twin. My brother who is also a decorated veteran. Who also has a mental illness. Who, although some days I can’t stand him, and some days his problems are too big for me to carry, I love as much as the flesh and blood we share. I can’t imagine the pain of a family who has to suffer the death of the image of a family member. Hell can happen on earth. I’m just sad that remorse sometimes doesn’t happen in enough time to say “sorry” in your outloud voice.

  7. incredible realization you’ve come to tcp!

    in Truth, are there really any “bad” people in existence? Are there even any “good ones”, for that matter?

    unfortunately (or maybe it’s not unfortunate at all), the human ego is plagued with dualism. How were we to see people/places/circumstances if we had not that jaded filter distorting reality into a poor semblance of the Truth.

  8. All that I can say is, “What does the Bible say about it?” When we stand before God, He will not ask what your opinions are, but if you lived according to His Word and what you did with Jesus Christ. I hope you make the right choice.

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