I started my long slide out of Christianity when I realized that, unless God were incredibly cruel to people who didn’t deserve it, there could be no Hell, or at least no one in it. After all, everyone I know has someone whose life is a little better because that first person is in it, no matter how big a jackass that first person is. So, if you love Jackass A, even if I hate him, even if I know he deserves to rot, how can I wish for you an eternity separated from the person you love? How could that be Heaven for you, without all your loved ones, even the fuckers?
My dad has this theory, which I love, that Heaven and Hell could be the same place, but when you are stripped of the blinders of this life, and you can fully see the whole weight of your actions and understand the magnitude of the suffering you caused or the pleasure you spread, that same place could be for you either Heaven or Hell.
I mention all this because I guess, at the end of the day, I don’t know how to be out of sympathy with the lovers–and I mean that with a small, untawdry “l”–the frail, imperfect people who try to open themselves up to other frail, imperfect people and to do their best by them.
And so, reading about him taking his nieces to Disneyland just broke my heart right in two for him. It put me on his side. Not that it matters.
But it’s important to admit when you’re wrong.
I’m a jackass. What can I say?