Dear Nashville Drivers,
I have noticed a few things now that I have the ability to drive 70 miles an hour to work in the morning, the most important thing being that you do not know how to drive on interstates. Let me help you. Say that we’re in this situation:
As you can see, I’m in the gray car, attempting to merge onto the highway. You are in the blue car. The safest thing for me to do is to attempt to get up as close as I can to speed before merging onto the highway. I, therefore, am going about 60 miles an hour. I am not going 70, because the on-ramp is too short, but I am going 60. You are going 70 miles an hour. You can see that I am ahead of you attempting to merge onto the highway.
MOVE LEFT, ASSHOLE.
There’s no one to your left. Just get over. Why the fuck would you sit in the right lane when you can see I’m trying to get onto the interstate?
God damn, that pisses me off.
This scenario is a little more complicated. I’m attempting to merge on. You cannot move left because there’s someone in the left lane. But, pay attention: YOU ARE THE ONE ON THE ROAD. I am only the one attempting to get onto the road. I will look to you for guidance (if you are not in my blindspot). If you slow down, I will accelerate and enter the roadway. If you speed up, I will take my foot off the gas and let you pass.
I would prefer you slow down and let me on the highway, since I am ahead of you, but I appreciate that you might not have grown up driving in Chicago and are thus unaware of what my expectations for your behavior are.
But for the love of Christ, do something. Don’t just trudge forward at the same speed I’m going, slowing down when I slow down and then freaking out and accelerating when I accelerate. Let me on the god damn road.
Okay and 3:
If you are only comfortable driving 45 miles an hour for whatever reason–you’re drunk, you’re blind, you’re afraid of trucks passing you in the dark at 80 mph, you’re lost, I don’t know. Whatever.–don’t get on the interstate.
If you must get on the interstate, and again, I don’t know why–I think it would be terrifying to get on a highway and drive half as fast as most everyone else on the road, but maybe you’re allergic to stoplights.–turn your lights on (yes, it not only makes it easier for you to see, but after dark, it makes it easier for those of us also on the road with you to see you) and stay out of the middle lane.