I know only a handful of you care about this PCOS crap (though I’m grateful to the ones of you that do!), but I thought I’d update you anyway.  I went back to the doctor today and she’s upping the dose of the metformin and we’re going to see how that goes.  She’s concerned about the episode I had a couple of weeks ago and if it happens again, she might pull me off the Pill.

I really, really don’t want that to happen, as I’m enjoying the novelty of not suffering through eternal, heavy bleeding.

And they took blood to check my liver and kidney functions and to see if I’m anemic still or if that’s straightened itself out.

I’m waffling about how I feel about the whole emphasis on whether I’m losing weight.  I mean, I feel great.  I feel really great and I’m just enjoying moving around in my body a whole lot.  To me, that’s so nice.

And, you know, if we’re saying “this is what I eat; this is how I move; this is what I weigh and this is how my body works (not processing the insulin and stuff) and if we get the medical stuff straightened out, we should see some weight loss” then that’s one thing–using the maintainance of weight or the loss of weight as an indicator of whether the medicine is working properly–that I think I can live with.

But I’ve got to tell you, I hear that voice, too, you know.  The one that says “Oh, well, you only accepted that you were fat because you thought that’s just how it was, but really, you could lose a bunch of weight and you could finally be beautiful and you could finally be worth being loved.  Oh, B., health-shmealth!  Finally, an acceptable body is coming your way!”

And I know better, you know.  I know that voice and I know what living with it getting to be the boss does to a girl.


Well, you know.

Anyway, so I went and we’re proceding as planned.

12 thoughts on “Doctoring

  1. I’m glad to hear you’re having such continued good results with your treatment.

    If I understand correctly, if the Metformin is working, you should not have eternal or heavy bleeding, pill or no pill. You needed the pill (or a progestin like Provera can be used the same way) to kick-start the fixing of your uterine lining issues, but the Metformin should maintain the fix without any help from the pill. (Just in case you do have to go off it.)

    You write very thought-provoking posts about weight and health, and I’ve been enjoying this “series”. I hope your treatment continues to go smoothly and the voice dies a quick death .

  2. I hear that voice too and I ignore it. However, I listen to the voice that says “I deserve to live a long and happy, healthy life full of good food and full range of motion, free of joint pain, heart attacks, sprained ankles, and sprung knees, and I will claim that for myself.”

    It’s an act of feminist rebellion to care for yourself well.

  3. I’m glad things are working out well for you. It’s amazing how crappy you can feel without realizing it until you finally feel better.

    I know what you mean about the “magic cure” weight loss. I’m seeing an acupuncturist for depression. He’s focused on my weight (if you lose weight you won’t be sad). I’m focused on the depression (if I’m not sad I might actually get off the couch with a side benefit of dropping a few pounds). But between him and the “skinny is awesome” world we live in…there are days when anorexia or gastric bypass seem like legitimate options. And then I get hungry and come to my senses again.

    Here’s to hoping you continue to feel better and better.

  4. I think that in the same way that doctors exaggerate the benefits of and possibility of significant weight loss (because, face it, for most of us it ain’t gonna happen) they also exaggerate the possibility of weight loss coming along with PCOS treatment. I’ve been told repeatedly that metformin would cause me to lose weight, but it didn’t. Not an ounce.

    I know you read Kate Harding, so I know you’ve read about “The Fantasy of Being Thin.” But still, it’s hard not to get sucked into the fantasy now and again.

    But you know what? Dammit, you ARE beautiful! And I know I’m a stranger, and I’ve never actually seen you, but we are ALL freakin’ beautiful and we too rarely recognize it in ourselves.

    So, first, you need a little Mika:

    Then you need to get yourself this sexy, sexy dress that’s now almost cheap:

    Or at least that’s what worked for me. :-)

    Hang in there!

  5. On, no worries, guys. I’m just trying to be honest about what’s happening to me on all fronts and trying to be honest with myself about said little voice so that it doesn’t become a problem. I’m not feeling like it’s a problem at the moment. It’s hard to pay much attention to it when I’m busy dragging people around my yard showing them things!

  6. Yeah, ideally the metformin will take care of the bleeding, in an indirect, root-cause-addressing kind of way.

    Hear you on the competing voices. It’s kind of weird to be on the other side, acceptable after having been unacceptable and having done all the necessary transformations to be okay with that unacceptability and then…boom…everybody’s telling you how great you look.

  7. I’ve had some of that, people telling me that I look great–how much weight have I lost? Um, two pounds? So… yeah. That’s weird.

    Though I am for sure changing shape. I can tell in the way my clothes fit me, so who knows?

    That whole part of it is just really strange–you’re going through all this physical stuff and then have to deal with this odd cultural stuff, too.

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  9. Well, Joan, I think dieting is immoral bullshit, and unsafe, so I’ve deleted the links to your blog, because I couldn’t, in good conscience, encourage anyone to visit it.

    So, that’s what I think.

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