You Can’t Not Have Christmas if All Your Relatives are Christmassy

So, even though I’m a heathen and we’re almost flat broke and our parents said “No Christmas presents” and the Butcher doesn’t have a job and paw’s run off and I’m real sick and the baby’s gonna starve to death, a girl’s still got to buy some Christmas presents anyway.

For the recalcitrant brother–jack shit.  Which he will be relieved by because he’s not getting me jack shit either.

For the Butcher–opuntia ficus-indica seeds.  I may have to cultivate them for him as he has never been able to grow cactus from seeds, but opuntia can grow outside here, which makes it a cool cactus in my book.  Did I ever tell you about the huge opuntia growing along the fence of the church-yard which turns out to hold the remains of Robert Johnson?  And you know what I say, good enough for Robert Johnson, good enough for me.

For the nephews–they’re all getting books on paper-airplane making.  I will leave it to their own imaginations to figure out how to make said airplanes lethal.

For Mom–a stuffed frog for her collection.  I now understand why people collect things: as a kindness for people who are obliged to give them gifts and have no idea what to get them.

For Dad–a thing called a thumb-piano.  I don’t know, but it looked like something he’d have a good time with.

So, hurray!  That’s done.

7 thoughts on “You Can’t Not Have Christmas if All Your Relatives are Christmassy

  1. I got just about everybody (18 and up) on my list charity gift cards. It’s really cool. I have donated money on their behalf and they get to go online and decide which (of around 250) charity they’d like to have that money go to. I actually think it’s a pretty cool gift and so I’m excited to see the reactions. Plus, it means I pretty much got all of my shopping done at one time without leaving my desk, AND I get to write off that portion of my Christmas shopping on my taxes!

  2. Ha, Dolphin. I’m trying to imagine the looks on my family’s faces if I did that… Ha, I just don’ t know. Maybe I’ll try that next year.

  3. Sadly, the “presents” I’m giving this year mostly will be gift cards to places that sell groceries as well as stuff, just to hide the fact that I know that some the people on my gift list need to be able to buy potatoes and milk without anxiety more than they need an electric gopher bopper or a $25 Christmas ornament.

  4. nice idea, dolphin! We picked a charity ourselves and I think the recipients will be cool with it, but being able to pick their own is nice.

    After all, I collect Santas but I’ve got relatives who are the kind of people who decide they need something the week before Christmas and run out and buy it rather than actlually communicating with family trying to figure out what to get them.

    Although if I find one, I’m getting my brother-in-law an electric gopher bopper on principle alone. After all, small things amuse small minds…

  5. Good heavens, Bridgett. Here I was looking for something cute to make the excitable terrier next door happy enough to stay in his own yard and you send me to “Progrsv House / Shoegaze / Jazz” — there are some things that even googling can’t excuse.

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