Vows of Chastity Easily Broken

It’s been all over the media today that kids who take pledges to abstain from sex until they’re married don’t actually abstain from sex until they’re married.  They just have more unsafe sex than their more realistic friends.

To which I say, ha ha ha ha ha and duh.

I suspect, though, anyway, that abstainance pledges aren’t really “for” keeping kids from premarital sex.  I mean, it’s got to be clear to anyone who’s every lived through being a teenager that promising you aren’t going to have sex, even if you really, really want to keep that promise, is not going to prevent you from having sex.  So, if it’s obvious that making kids promise to not have sex is not going to keep them from having sex, then why, my friends, do we keep making kids promise that they’re not going to have sex?

I think it’s because it’s a way to indoctrinate kids into believing that what they do with their own bodies is up for public scrutiny and to reenforce the idea that it’s okay for other people to tell you what you can and can’t do with your body and that, if you fail to do with your body what they’ve proscribed for you, you are a collosal fuck up and deserve public sanction.

And that, my friends, is bullshit.

7 thoughts on “Vows of Chastity Easily Broken

  1. It’s also how parents who had sex before they were married and had unwanted consequences tell themselves they’re making sure their kids don’t make the same mistakes (and I know of 3 generations in one family where that didn’t work at all). Make your kids promise not to have sex before they get married and then you don’t have to talk to them about STIs or unplanned pregnancies or safe sex. You can sweep it all under the rug and pretend you’ve taken care of the whole matter (until your lack of communication with your kids about sex comes home to bite you in the ass).

  2. You’re so right. It is time to face the fact that we are all just a bunch of rutting pigs with no control over our nature. Stop wasting time trying to convince teens to wait, just pass out the birth control so they can have at it. Or at least point them towards Planned Parenthood where trained professionals can teach them how to handle the consequences.

  3. So, anonymous, you’re saying that, even though abstinence only doesn’t work, we have to keep it up because otherwise we’re no better than farm animals? Even though with it, we’re no better than farm animals?

    So, it’s better that we all have sex but are miserable and frightened about it than that we all have sex but aren’t?

    And why is that?

  4. As someone who heard the “don’t have sex b/c I said so” speil, I’ll totally agree with you that the teens who are more educated about sex and the consequences are better prepared to deal with the issue when it presents itself.

    I have a long-term friend whose mother had the best approach I can give as an example. Her mother worked in the local welfare office, and was all too familiar with teen mothers. She sat my friend down and basically told her that she didn’t need to be having sex at the age she was. But when the time came and she thought she was ready, to please come to her and they would go and get birth control. I always found that to be a very wise and realistic approach. And for the record, my friend didn’t lose her virginity until she was almost 20.

  5. This topic surfaces every couple of years and STILL we fund abstinence education. It’s infuriating.

    I’m not a big Bill Maher fan, but this reminded me of something he had written on the topic a few years back — that kids had found loopholes to the pledges. My favorite line: Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian Right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly scrubbed boyfriends: “Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. Then I’ll blow you.”


  6. Anonymous, children, pre-teens, and teenagers in European countries, have no “abstinence only” sex education and no movement to introduce “chastity pledges” but instead the sort of education about one’s and others’ bodies, birth control, abortion, and self-respect that B is suggesting. Not surprisingly, teenagers there wait longer before starting to have sex, have fewer pregnancies, fewer abortions, lower rates of STDs, and all sorts of other desirable things than teenagers in the US. Evidently, facts and all that reality-based stuff suggest that comprehensive sex education is highly effective, and that promising not to have sex isn’t.

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