Oh my god, Burpee has got to be the most genius marketers in the world. First, I’ve begun using their site as nerd-porn when I just need something to switch my brain to, like the question of “How many flowers could I plant in my yard if I had a budget of $5 million dollars?” which is a dangerous question to ask because, at some point, you start thinking “Could I get a credit card with a five million dollar limit if I applied as ‘Beyonce’ instead of ‘B.'”?
And now they’ve just sent me an email with an advertisement for this little device. And my desire for it is almost unbearable. But it occurs to me looking at it that I have seen people, maybe even Girl Scouts who fold little square boxes out of paper to put treats in and, if only I knew how to fold those boxes, I could just make little newspaper boxes and fill them with dirt for free and not pay $20 for something that looks a little like a butt plug. (Not that $20 isn’t a fair price for a butt plug, I’m just saying that this only looks like a butt plug.)