She was born on my dad’s birthday, which means her birthdate is almost as cool as my dad’s.
She will, forever, be born on 01/23.
Why is that only almost as cool as my dad’s?
Because he was born on 01/23/45.
(Also, I don’t want to reveal Josephine’s last name, in order to protect her privacy, but it starts with a W., so the Shill tells me that she’s already taken to referring to her as “The Outlaw Josey W________.” which tickles the shit out of me.)
1. Lee Beaman gives $2,000 towards Prop 8.
2. Lee Beaman gives $6,000 towards English Only.
Man has a right to spend his money how he wants. I have a right to spend mine how I want.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that I’ve decided what superpower I would choose, assuming I could choose one. And it’s a good one, so don’t be stealing it:
I have the power to grant immortality to whoever sleeps with me for as long as they sleep with me.
No, not sleep as a euphamism for fucking. We have sex later because you’re so grateful that bedding down with me keeps your sorry ass alive.
Think about this. Say that your beloved grandma needs surgery, but the doctors are afraid to put her under the anesthetic because she’s frail. I come over, sit on the couch with her, you turn on old Matlock re-runs and soon we’re dozing. That nap is good enough to get her through the surgery and recovery safely.
Say your squad is getting sent to Afghanistan. Well, bring over a king-sized mattress and snuggle in, folks.
Or, shoot, I could use my powers for evil, selling time-shares with me to hit men and gang members, making them impervious to bullets.
And, best of all, my pets would live as long as I did.
Remember how there was a guy who thought that sending everyone “Barack the Magic Negro” would convince them that he was right for the job of RNC chair and the whole nation laughed and said “What?!” except for the few folks who sulked and said “What?” You may recall that for no other reason than because of the massive sigh of relief the Democrats exhaled because we know that church-going African Americans tend to be conservative and there are a whole lot of church-going African Americans and some day, if the Republicans ever, ever get their heads out of their asses about race, Democrats will not be able to count on the Black vote. In fact, when that day comes, there won’t be any such thing as “The Black Vote” anymore because conservatives will vote with the Republicans and liberals will vote with the Democrats.
That day would have been put off by the RNC turning itself over to Saltsman.
I thought that was obvious to everyone.
So, maybe not.