Oh, I forgot to tell you that I’ve decided what superpower I would choose, assuming I could choose one. And it’s a good one, so don’t be stealing it:
I have the power to grant immortality to whoever sleeps with me for as long as they sleep with me.
No, not sleep as a euphamism for fucking. We have sex later because you’re so grateful that bedding down with me keeps your sorry ass alive.
Think about this. Say that your beloved grandma needs surgery, but the doctors are afraid to put her under the anesthetic because she’s frail. I come over, sit on the couch with her, you turn on old Matlock re-runs and soon we’re dozing. That nap is good enough to get her through the surgery and recovery safely.
Say your squad is getting sent to Afghanistan. Well, bring over a king-sized mattress and snuggle in, folks.
Or, shoot, I could use my powers for evil, selling time-shares with me to hit men and gang members, making them impervious to bullets.
And, best of all, my pets would live as long as I did.