La Super Bowl

I started crying with the stupid Walter Payton mention and was teary-eyed through the national anthem, which, frankly, I loved.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard it done as defiant hymn, but I’ll take it.  This means, I guess, that the flourishy national anthem singers have finally won.

Granted, we’re barely into it, but the only commercial so far that’s made me go “Ooooo” is the G.I. Joe one.  Dare I say that the Puppy Bowl has better commercials?  Who ever does the Pedigree commercials seems to get that dogs and David Duchovny are an unstoppable combination.

My dad likes to tell people that he’s never forgiven the Cardinals for leaving Chicago.  He has issues, clearly.

How many commercials in a row can possibly contain people crashing through windows?  And I thought the Bud Light commercial was a little yucky, but I don’t know why.

Pepsi got Bob Dylan?!

More breaking glass?  That’s four commercials with breaking glass.

Yet another not so great Bud Light commercial.  WTF, Bud Light?  Your ad agency has done you wrong.

Bridgestone with the grossest ad.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  Vin Diesel.

I think Castrol Edge just had a commercial about pot.  And monkeys, but pot monkeys, obviously.

More monkeys?

See?  Is this Pedigree commercial not better than the Pepsi crap that preceded it?

Bud cannot go wrong with the horses, though, can it?  I just hope he did get a treat.

Well, you knew if he’d go after a twig, he’d go after a woman.

I can’t decide how I feel about the new Star Trek.  It looks like the kind of thing you want to see on the big screen, though.

I feel bad for the Cardinals.  I don’t feel like I’m watching the two best teams in football battling over who is best.

Is it just me or are a bunch of these commercials kind of sad and mean-spirited?

Oh god, did NBC just admit that they’re counting on Jay Leno to rescue them?!

And does anybody else think that Ben looks a lot like Jesse James?

Be careful jumping around like that, Bruce!

But I kind of love that Bruce is here.  Between him and the Payton reference, I feel like I’m reliving a pleasant part of my youth–a belief I had about America.  I don’t know.  It’s corny.  Don’t mind me.

Ha, first the phallic mic stand and then the crotch first into the camera.  I love me some Bruce.  I also love how all his music is supposed to be so quintessentially American and everyone’s cheering like he’s singing joy incarnate, and yet, his songs are always so incredibly sad, but with catchy choruses.  Ha, well I guess that is an American song, there.

I wonder if that chorus is the same chorus Faith used earlier?

I wonder if I could get a gospel choir to follow me around.

But see!  Glory Days is not a happy song.  I mean, it sounds happy, but it’ll bruise you if you listen too closely.

Still, I like something about Springsteen.  I feel like music is in good hands with him.

Why doesn’t the guy in the “Tennessee Millionaire’s Club” speak with a Southern accent?

I didn’t understand that Bridgestone ad with the Jump Around astronauts.  Did someone really pay money for that?

Ha, but I did like the Monster.com ad with the elk butt.  Moose butt.  I don’t actually know the difference between an elk and a moose, though I suppose they’re substantial.

A.) Are Clydesdales Scottish?  B.) Even if they are, why would a Scottish horse’s great grandson speak with a Scottish accent?

And the Rock!  If Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel ever do a movie together… I don’t even know.  I’ll probably fall over.

Ha, this is the summer of movies of things from my childhood.  GI Joe, Transformers.

More broken glass in the Jack in the Box commercial.  And poor guy got hit by a bus.

I’m just kind of icked out by the commercials.  They’re all kind of mean and depressing.  And they don’t make me want to buy those things; they make me want to flee those things.  I mean, my god, Hardee’s has one of the better ads.  If that’s not a sign of a problem, I don’t know what is.

Bridgett, I hear you and I can only say, do not let your daughter watch that bee story movie with Jerry Seinfeld.  I think watching that has put me in a slow feminist rage all day.  I can’t believe that piece of shit wasn’t firebombed at theaters.

Also, Chuck, if you were in 1-D, you’d be invisible and I would be glad.

Okay, I had to pause it to answer the phone.  For those of you waiting breathlessly to find out what’s going on with my family, my dad served communion today, a young mother I don’t know died, and my mom is still slowly going blind. Oh, and my grandma doesn’t want to try on underwear in front of my folks.  Me neither, Grandma, me neither.

Where were we?  Ah, the Apprentice.  Speak of Jesse James and he appears, apparently.

I’m suckered in by the Coke Zero commercials.

But I don’t understand the Cash4Gold idea.  If I put gold in the mail, doesn’t that just make it easier for unscrupulous postal workers to steal it?

I do, however, love watching Patricia Arquette dance around.  I wish there were more of that in Medium.

I like the wind commercial.  It’s old, though.  But dang, you know, after the depressing, mean-spirited stuff, I’ll take it.

Oh, god, an unfunny SNL skit has become an unfunny commercial.

I spent a lot of time thinking about how cool it is that so many languages have the same basic word for “cat” and that that word is so damn old.  I’m thinking about that now, because I just cannot bring myself to care about this game.  That may make me unAmerican.

What?!  Arizona took the lead?  What?!

The Bud Light Lime commercial was nice.

Shut up!  The Steelers got a touchdown?!

All right, this game has redeemed itself.

13 thoughts on “La Super Bowl

  1. I didn’t think it was fair that they gave Kurt Warner that humanitarian award right before the game. That’s equivalent to giving him a bump. If the Cardinals win and he goes on and on about Jesus, I’m gonna hork up a hairball. I mean, he seems like a really good person and all, but I think if these guys insist on crediting Jesus for their successes then they also should blame him when then lose. “We would’ve won if it werent for that Jesus f’er.”

  2. My dad likes to tell people that he’s never forgiven the Cardinals for leaving Chicago. He has issues, clearly.

    OK, that’s a long grudge. I don’t know whether there’s still anyone in St. Louis who cares, and that hasn’t been nearly as long.

    I know that the Puppy Bowl has made me want a dog.

  3. 1) Loved Bruce and I don’t even like Bruce, really.
    2) The misogyny level on some of these ads are really bugging me. I’m raising a daughter here, people.
    3) Did you guys have the steroid commercial with the kid whose zit turned into an asterisk/sphincter/Walmart symbol — the one with the tagline “Don’t be an *”
    I think the observation about the Walmart symbol looking like an asshole is gaining cultural traction.
    4) Yes, the Castorol commercial was about pot. And monkeys.
    5) Jump Around is too good a song to be stuck in a bad commercial.
    6) The Coke bug ad was very pretty.

  4. Kurt, dialing frantically.
    “We’re sorry, the Lord and Savior is busy assisting other callers. Please hold. Calls will be answered in the order in which they were received.”

    It’s official. Jesus loves the Steelers!!

    No more football for eight months. Boooooooooooo.

  5. Poor Jesus. I like to imagine that he’s still all like “I kept getting all these prayers from the Cardinals to help them win their football game, but I didn’t see one round ball on the field. I don’t know what that sport they were playing is.”

  6. Agreed, jag. Not stupefying like last year, but fine indeed. The Panthers v. Cardinals game already provided all the stupefaction we can take in this household in one NFL season.

    B., Just pulled this quote off the St. Louis Web site: “If Chris Carpenter and his protege, Adam Wainwright, hurl full seasons in 2009, the Cardinals can’t help but become a fearsome force to be reckoned with.” Will be interesting to see if the heavenly switchboard mix-up will deliver the J-power they need. Someone’ll have to wake me with any news though. I find baseball a bore.

  7. My dad still hates the Lakers for leaving Minnesota, and I’m not sure there are many people left who even know the Lakers were ever in Minnesota. (They moved in the 60s.) I think if someone betrays the team of your youth, you apparently hold that grudge for the rest of your life.

  8. I felt like the GoDaddy ads were yucky, but in a way that was so obvious that I felt bad for them. I mean, it doesn’t matter how “not rated” your web site is, we all know Danica Patrick isn’t going to be getting it on with the teacher.

    It was like advertising that you’re twelve–that you’re all talk and no action.

    I was embarrassed for them.

  9. Layla, I’m totally bringing that up with my dad, because the Cardinals left Chicago in, I believe, the 20s, which was a good two decades before he was even born. He’s had time to get used to them being a St. Louis team (I don’t expect he’ll ever adjust to them being in Arizona).

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