Dear Creeping Charlie,
Good god! Is there any place in my yard that you are not? I hate you and took great pleasure in pulling you out.
Wow, I don’t think parts of you are just supposed to break off in my hands.
Thank you for leaving that dead mouse right where I could step on it. That was nice.
Dear Red-berried Thing in my Front Yard,
I hope I didn’t kill you, but you’re looking pretty bad.