Dear Kenny Chesney,
A lot of gay men our age have slept with women, even a lot of women. Claiming that you cannot possibly be gay because you have slept with over a hundred women is like claiming that you cannot possibly like chocolate ice cream because you have had over one hundred bowls of vanilla.
I don’t give a shit if you’re gay or not. What I do give a shit about is that, as usual, country musicians keep making ’00s country music look like ’70s rock, but in a sad, tattered, generic way. It’s like country music is ’70s rock for folks who still find ’70s rock a little scandalous.
I mean, seriously. 100? You’re one of the biggest country stars alive. You were married once, briefly, and the best you could do is 100 women? Come the fuck on. That’s nothing to brag about. Shoot, in his day, I’m sure Gene Simmons fucked 100 women between lunch and dinner. I think Def Leppard fucked 100 women a week. Led Zepplin had 100 groupies following them from hotel to hotel just watching them have sex with 100 women. A hundred women is just getting started for ’70s rockers. I inadvertently fucked a hundred women just in the time it’s taken me to write this post.
Bragging about how many women you’ve slept with is kind of a douch move. But, good lord, man, once you’ve committed to being a douche, at least really commit to it! Don’t say a hundred. Shoot, any damn fool who puts his mind to it can sleep with 100 people. Give us the rock star fantasy. Give us a number to aspire to. A thousand, five thousand, ten thousand! Start a rumor that every baby named Kenny in the southeast is secretly yours. Something noteable, man.
But a hundred? I’m sorry, but considering what you do for a living and how popular you are, a hundred makes it sound like you just weren’t trying very hard.
And that could lead a girl to wonder why.
Suddenly exhaustedly yours,