1. I have a chin hair. I’m not embarrassed to admit it. I just check my chin and when I feel it, I grab the tweezers, get in front of a mirror, look for a dark spot, and yank it out. But today, when I went to pluck it, I couldn’t see it. I managed to grab a hold of it anyway, and get it out. And I looked at it there on my finger and, America!, do you know why I couldn’t see it?!??!
Because it was gray!
Holy shit! My one chin hair is gray!
I’m not even thirty-five yet. Just tell me now, when do the gray pubes come? And how do you not just go out back and dig a shallow grave to lie in every night after that?
I always used to make fun of my parents when they’d get together with their friends and give each other a litany of all the stuff that’s going wrong with them, but now that I’m older, I see it’s because you still feel like everything should work the way it has and your body has other ideas and it’s just hard to fucking reconcile.
On the other hand, apparently nobody but me even has pubic hair anymore, so maybe no one knows when it goes gray and, when mine does, I’ll be able to join a circus sideshow and make my fortune showing people the twin marvels of pubic hair and gray hair among them.
So, there’s an upside to the whole thing.
2. So, we spent a bunch of money and time as a city to come up with a plan for what to do with the river front and we’d settled on something everyone seemed happy with (including a forest, which tickles me so much because it seems to have just a little touch of whimsy to it in a way that appeals to me) and the Mayor is being a giant douchebag.
3. I can’t even talk to you about this post because it freaks me out so much. It’s this part that does it–“What happened to the mice in the other trials?” Exercise away. Eat as well as you can. Lose weight if you can. Hell, keep it off if you can. But once you start talking about taking a pill that makes you shit yourself, or hacking off parts of your insides, or drilling into your brain, I just feel like we’ve crossed a line from body modification because it pleases you to body modification as a way of publicly acting out how much you hate yourself. It is the difference between piercing your ears and cutting your arms.
4. Ha, so I wrote to the Feds about e. tennesseensis and they forwarded my email on to someone at the state, who says, basically, that the state would rather gardeners didn’t plant Tennessee coneflowers. I asked and they said–“Preferably not. If too many people start doing this in their gardens there is actually the potential for pollinators to carry pollen from gardens to wild populations, and vice versa, at higher than normal rates. This can lead to genetic homogeneity of all the populations and potentially weaken the chance that the species can survive long-term in a changing environment.”
And it just went downhill from there. I personally find myself charming in print, but when I asked about planting them along the road to keep the state from widening it–and even said I was joking–I was sternly warned against such a thing.
Pftt. Anyway, yes, e. tennesseensis will cross-breed with other coneflowers if you have them in your garden.
So… I’m still going to Fairview to buy e. tennesseensis to put in my yard. I’m still also going to plant other coneflowers. Does this make me a bad person? I don’t think so. First of all, I live way on the other end of the county from where the wild populations are, so it’s not like my population is going to have any effect on those. And second, fine, so I’ll have coneflowers in my yard that started out being all different types of echinacea but after a few generations became e. purpurea “whites creek” and then I’ll sell them and become rich.
After all, by that point, I’ll be traveling the country with the circus sideshow, so I’ll have plenty of chances to sell folks on the beauty and uniqueness of my coneflowers.