So, Toby Keith confronts Peter Cooper because Peter Cooper spread some story Ethan Hawke told without bothering to verify it.
Before we go any farther, let us meditate upon the funny ways the Universe works, because somehow Ethan Hawke is able to get any kind of writing gig here in the late early 2000s. We can only assume that means that people really don’t read books any more. Because anyone who’d actually read that crap-fest of a first book (which I swear was written on some kind of bet–“Hey, Ethan, do you think you could write a whole book that people would actually buy that seemed to mention boobs on every other page, often for no apparent reason?” “I bet I could.”) would not turn around and have him write an article for Rolling Stone.
Then, let us acknowledge that there is something inherently annoying and infuriating about having Ethan Fucking Hawke just make up shit about you in order to portray you as a scary backwards redneck. So, if Toby Keith wants to run around threatening to put a boot in Ethan Hawke’s ass, I would go so far as to ask Mr. Keith to consider the poetic justice of beating Hawke with a copy of his own book. Toby Keith, if you want to beat Ethan Hawke with a copy of his own book, America is all on-board for that.
But, confronting Peter Cooper because Cooper retold the Hawke story identifying you as the person Hawke is talking about? Um… Yeah, no.
I swear, sometimes I like to imagine my Australian readers reading my blog about all of the strange things that happen here in the land of country music. I like to picture one of you, enjoying early fall, having a beer, and staring off into space, trying to imagine how one might make sense of what I am about to tell you. Because, yes, it is in English, the common language spoken by me and you, dear reader I am imagining. And yet… and yet…
Anyway, where were we?
Yes, so, because the country music world is apparently full of grown men who are secretly 13 year old girls, Toby Keith is mad at Peter Cooper because Peter Cooper told you what Ethan Hawke said about him at Willie Nelson’s birthday party (I know, it’s delicious). Keith confronts Cooper and says, in part, “You ran it and took it to supersize French fries and now you have to answer [for] it.”
And I quote again, because I’m still laughing about it, “You ran it and took it to supersize French fries.”
“Supersize French fries.”
This is supposed to be bad-ass?
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I swear, I love this industry.