Apr 10

Well, We Can’t Say that We Weren’t Warned

On our way to dinner, my dad said, “What you don’t understand is that you’re scary.  You frighten people.  People are afraid of you.  If you lost 80 pounds you would rule Tennessee.  You would be like Attila the Hun and Richard Simmons.  People would get out of your way and then follow you.  You really truly scare people.  You have to understand that.”

And then, at dinner, he couldn’t understand why I only ate half of my meal.

I was about to launch into some tedious explanation about what the metformin does to my appetite in the evenings.  But I didn’t bother.  I mean, apparently I could rule Tennessee if I just lost 80 pounds.  And I think we all have some ideas of what I would do to this state once it was under my thumb.

The good news is that we will have legalized ultimate fighting.  The bad news is that at least one fight each evening must contain a Republican state legislator.

16 thoughts on “Well, We Can’t Say that We Weren’t Warned”

  1. Pingback: Then Your Enemies Would Become Her Enemies : Post Politics: Political News and Views in Tennessee

  4. Maybe tact issues are a universal dad thing. I got a well-meaning comment in that same vein from my dad once, and he just couldn’t grasp why it got to me.

  5. Damn, girlfriend. If that’s true, I’ll come be your personal trainer. You would so rock this state.

    But I’d have to be promised some sweet gig as a reward for running 80 lbs off your ass.

    Assuming you’d still be speaking to me.

  6. I suspect that’s a part of it. And, to be honest, I could see you scaring the shit out of anybody when you’re cranked up.

    I would be perfectly content to have you run the state as a benevolent dictator, just sayin’….

    :-)

  7. The promise of ultimate fighting sealed the deal for me so long as we can build a nifty coliseum specifically designed for the games. And I imagine that it would only be right to make sure that the those participants matched to fight GOP legislators are given full and simultaneous access to copious amounts of alcohol ahead of time as well as every type of handgun and assault rifle legally available in our state. Of course, the GOP legislators drawn to compete in the arena would have no knowledge of whether or not their matched opponents were exercising their right to conceal and carry. :)

  10. Honestly, it didn’t even make me mad. I mean, if in the face of your daughter getting diagnosed with a hugely fucked endocrine system and her doctor using her weight gain/loss as a tool to help monitor whether her medication is working how it should, you’re still talking about her weight like it’s a matter of will-power, well, then fuck it. Why should I even bother to be mad?

    Plus, Attila the Hun and Richard Simmons. Fuck that. Fear me, Tennessee, because right now I might be Attila the Hun and Susan B. Anthony. Like looking like Richard Simmons is something a big-titted woman should aspire to? Please.

    Anyway, I guess the point is that he thought I might have been a little mean to Jim Cooper. Or was at least concerned that I was.

  12. Like looking like Richard Simmons is something a big-titted woman should aspire to?

    Like looking like Richard Simmons is something ANYONE should aspire to?

  15. doctor using her weight gain/loss as a tool to help monitor whether her medication is working how it should, you’re still talking about her weight like it’s a matter of will-power, well, then fuck it. Why should I even bother to be mad?

    I think this is a great attitude, and one it’s likely taken you a matter of years to cultivate.

    My hat is off.

  16. I for one welcome our boob-freckled overlord.

    And have expressed that sentiment for some time, as you all may recall.

    You may be a despot when necessary, but you’re always a benevolent and snuggly one.

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