Joe Powell has challenged me to name my top ten movie characters of all times. This is a slightly more difficult task than it might seem because I rarely watch movies and, when I do, you can bet I’ve picked out the shittiest movies I can find.
1. Han Solo & 2. Indiana Jones. I don’t know if there are many women my age who weren’t somewhat fundimentally psycho-sexually shaped by these two characters. Either you came to want a man with brains and a smart-ass swagger or you wanted to figure out how to be the smart-ass with the brains and the swagger who gets the girl.
3. Crash Davis. Kevin Coster is a shitastic actor, but Crash is sublime.
4. Louise. I cannot watch Thelma and Louise without bawling. I usually start when the movie starts. It’s hard not to love Thelma, with her shitty life, but her enthusiasm for trying something new. But Louise is my favorite because she knows she’s doomed from the get-go.
5. Mozelle Batiste Delacroix. Everything about Eve’s Bayou is a treat, but Mozelle does some work in that movie that just about blew my mind, changed my whole idea about what I could be doing and how.
6. David from The Lost Boys. It makes no sense why Michael doesn’t want to join them. It never has and it never will. If you can be half as bad-ass and as charasmatic as David, why wouldn’t you?
7. Nagiko from The Pillow Book. I don’t know how you talk about Greenaway’s characters or movies, so I won’t really try. I’ll just say that, though The Pillow Book is nothing like a Quentin Tarantino movie, watching it makes you think that Tarantino only wishes he could write movies about women like this.
8. Jill from The Whole Nine Yards. Who doesn’t love a joyful psychopath?
9. Mark Hunter. I’m convinced that Mark Hunter is why so many folks my age took to blogging. That’s right, America, I’m sitting in my room, coming into your homes, and trying to spark a revolution. Or encouraging you to have masturbatory fantasies about Christian Slater. Either one.
10. Lady Cluck from Robin Hood. Why didn’t she get together with Little John? Someone answer me that.