Open Letters to Folks Who Need Them

Dear Times-News,

“Last month, the New York Times published a story examining the county’s economic troubles and its effects on both local and Hispanic workers.”  Really?

So, these Hispanic workers of which you speak don’t work locally?

Do they all somehow have giant robotic arms that allow them to live in, say, Nashville and work their arms so as to be employed in Kingsport?

You might want to rethink your nomenclature there, buddies.


Aunt B.


Dear State Representative John Litz,

I read that you say, “I don’t think the Tennessee Democratic Party that I’m a part of is like a California Democrat. We’re not baby-killing, gun-stealing tree huggers.”  And, yeah, fuck those environmentalists!  Environmentalists ruin everything.  Like, environmentalists get all pissed off when you dump a billion gallons of coal ash on a place.  What pussies!

Of course, we here in Tennessee see a billion gallons of coal ash and we’re all “Yeah, TVA, dump some more of that toxic stuff on us!  Our kids are nowhere near sick enough!!!!”

Okay, yeah, in all seriousness, you are aware that your state is home to the worst environmental disaster since Chernobyl and the main people responsible for helping us have been the environmentalists, right?  So, are you saying that you don’t think disasters like that are really a problem or are you saying that a few dead children are worth it if you don’t have to be associated with tree-huggers?

Just wondering,

Aunt B.

24 thoughts on “Open Letters to Folks Who Need Them

  1. Aunt B,

    Rep Litz never said “Fuck the environmentalist” All he said is that the TNDP is not a far left wing party as the TNGOP tries to make us.

    If you had ever been to his district you would know the natural beauty of the area and know that farmers in that area hold the environment close to heart. One does not have to be a tree hugger to love and care for the land around us.

  2. One does not have to be a tree hugger to love and care for the land around us.

    I’d say that this is one of the worst cases I’ve ever seen of adopting one’s opponents’ language without thinking through its implications.

  3. Morristown Dem, please. I can read what he said. If you hold the environment close to your heart, that makes you, according to your opposition, a “tree-hugger.” It’s a slur against people who care about the environment.

    You can’t say “One does not have to be a tree hugger to love and care for the land around us” because a “tree hugger” is, by definition, someone who loves and cares for the land around us.

    What happened is that Litz wants to play “Oh, I’m not like those liberal Democrats” and I’m not having it.

    There’s nothing wrong with being a tree-hugger and how dare he use that slur against us as if there’s some validity to it.

    Be a proud Democrat or go home.

  4. What about the baby killing and gun stealing? Do TN Democrats support that like they do in California?

  5. I have never, in all my life, met anyone who supports baby killing. I’m sure that I have met some criminal sometime who is in favor of stealing guns, though. Jim, you don’t get to call things what they are not and have others agree with your invented names and further the discussion as if you were using accurate definitions. You just don’t.

  6. I couldn’t swear that none exist, but I personally have never met any. For whatever that’s worth.

  7. It’s certainly easy enough to get confused, but, here in Tennessee, the Democrats are all about baby-stealing and gun-killing.

  8. Them Memphis babies are some tough customers.

    You’d be tough too if your life expectancy was roughly the same as Vietnam-era platoon leader.

  9. I hear rumors of anit-dirt eating legislation in the works. And tiny little prisons being built to deal with the little criminals.

  10. I’m going to run out and buy stock in a place that makes dinky hand-cuffs. Can your kids even get their hands behind their backs yet? We may have to restrain them in blankets, I’m afraid. We will wrap them in swaddling clothes and lie them in a prison.

  11. Cradle. Wrap them in swaddling clothes and lay them in a cradle. Gosh, the amount of ignorance about historical child-rearing practices is shocking.

  12. B, if they’re swaddled and in cradles, they can’t hurt the gardens. Centuries of experience bears me out in this. None of your rug-rats-come-lately newfangled notions is necessary.

  13. None of your rug-rats-come-lately newfangled notions is necessary.

    Well, I was going to comment, but after that priceless wisdom, anything i say would be superfluous.. I stand in awe, nm (which, although it might look farther west, is really just slightly East of Donelson).

  14. Ha. Swaddling is nothing to these particular rugrats. Climbing out of a cradle is child’s play when you spend all night behind bars. But to be fair, they are almost old enough to be tried as toddlers.

  15. I was only asking because B did not address those aspects (baby killing and gub stealing) of the California Democrats. Having never talked to a California Democrat, I was not sure how serious they supported baby killing and gun stealing.

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