In Which I Propose a Toast to Mike Turner

Y’all may recall that Mike Turner showed up here in the comments a while back and I would just like to report that, since then, I have had my eye on him.  This has been exceedingly unpleasant because I wear contacts and he has particularly scratchy jackets, but that’s what I do for you, dear readers.

Ha, ha, ha.  I know it’s impolite to laugh at your own jokes, but I crack myself up sometimes.

Where were we?

Oh, yes, why we’re toasting Mike Turner today: because I have been laughing all morning about the thought of him rolling his eyes at Mumpower and Casada as they complain that the Democrats aren’t just rolling over and playing dead.  I would also like to give a special shout-out to Rep. Henry Fincher, who seems to have pointed out that the Republicans are risking federal money in order to enact their theocracy.  If only he had pointed out, too, that they want to do so on the word of a woman who has made a career out of lying about being raped and a man who doesn’t even know how ultrasounds work*, then I would have jumped for joy.

———

*Let me just reiterate for the boys in the audience.  Most abortions take place in the first trimester of your pregnancy.  During the first trimester, the most effective form of ultrasound is a vaginal ultrasound, where the technician takes a big rod, lubes it up, shoves it in your vagina, and presses it hard against your vaginal walls so that she can get a good look at what’s going on in your uterus and (depending on why you’re having one) with your ovaries.  On a scale of unpleasant to “Jesus-fucking-god that sucks” it depends on the technician.  I’ve had a couple of vaginal ultrasounds and the one was just unpleasant–men, if you’d imagine if someone thrust their whole hand up to the knuckles in your mouth and ran their fingers across the inside of your cheek for five minutes–and the other one was painful–if you imagine the above scenario, but with the fingers poking occasionally at a sore in your mouth.  I know some women have worse experiences.  Also, usually, when you have one, the screen is positioned in such a way that you cannot NOT see it. The point is that you cannot have one and not know that something is happening.  Requiring the doctors when you’re having an abortion to tell you that you’re having an ultrasound only reveals that you do not know what is involved with it.  It just makes you look like a clueless ass.

And, not to put too fine a point on it, if you do know what’s involved with it and you still want the State to legally require one before an abortion can be done, let me point out that you now want to make it a law that, before a woman can have an abortion, the State requires her to submit to the doctor shoving something that may not be medically necessary into her vagina, whether she wants it or not.

There is a word for folks who force things into women’s vaginas when we don’t want them there, but it escapes me at the moment.

Edited to add: Ah, it looks like Fincher was complaining about the equally stupid “But we own our children!” act in which parents would be given access to their teenage children’s medical records, even though, if they do that, they will not get money from the Feds.  This is a subset of the “women are lying bitches” legislation we’ve been seeing all session, because, see, even your own daughter might be a lying bitch and you, by god, have a right to know if she is!