And I Also Would Like to Work at a Cookie Factory, But That’s a Bad Idea, Too

So, Michael Vick is out of prison and according to the New York Times,

Vick has said he wants to work with the Humane Society of the United States on a program aimed at eradicating dogfighting among urban teens, said Wayne Pacelle, the society president. Pacelle said on Tuesday that he recently met with Vick at the federal prison in Leavenworth. Vick requested the meeting, one of his attorneys said.

Am I the only person who finds this hilarious?

Michael Vick is one of the last people I’d let around stray dogs.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you have to love dogs in order to work with the Humane Society.  But I don’t think you should have been actively involved in torturing and killing them.  Shouldn’t that get your job application moved to the circular file?

And what exactly is he going to say to these kids?

“Um, hi, listen.  If you ever get a multimillion dollar football contract, don’t blow it by also operating a multimillion dollar dog fighting ring with your friends from back home.  Because when you get caught, people will be pissed off.”

“Um, oh, I’m supposed to talk to you about your dog fighting.  Um, yeah, well, I’ve been working at the Humane Society and they have some awesome bait dogs you can get if you pretend like you want a pet.”

Or did he somehow magically transform into a person who doesn’t believe in abusing dogs?

17 thoughts on “And I Also Would Like to Work at a Cookie Factory, But That’s a Bad Idea, Too

  1. Now, I think he’s a despicable person for doing what he did, and don’t give two shits otherwise, but maybe it’s possible that he actually LEARNED something from his incarceration? Isn’t that what we’re told prison is supposed to do, rehabilitate and all? (HA! Because it’s worked so well in the past!) Maybe having this asshole, who had it all, doing hard time actually taught him his lesson.

    Time will tell.

  2. There’s a good article at ESPN today about Vick. Throughout his life he has always trusted the wrong people, people who have taken him down the wrong path and he’s not bright enough to know the difference.

  3. Hell, I’m a huge liberal softy and I buy into rehabilitation and redemption and all that jazz.

    But if you can live among dogs and think nothing of slamming them into the ground until they’re dead, you might be rehabilitated into a person who doesn’t hurt dogs any more, but can you really be rehabilitated into a person who understands why hurting dogs sucks?

    I don’t know.

    All the moreso if you’re not very bright?

  4. Senior year of college I spent three months working at a mental institution in southwest Virginia. This was at a time when Vick was still known for the abuse he dealt out on the football field, not off of it.

    Anyway, one day a supervisor in the ward I was assigned to started a conversation about Virginia Tech football. Eventually we settled on Vick and his presumed ascension to the top of the sporting world. Thing is, this guy knew it was a sham. As a veteran of mental health care in the state, he’d had a long history with male members of the Vick clan; in his estimation, nearly all of them had served some time either in prison or an institution, most often for rape. Yikes.

    This was the gene pool that begat Michael, the human highlight reel. And in the supervisor’s (now validated) opinion, there was no way to overcome that amount of dysfunction.

    That’s my little two cents on the subject. Mostly as a way of piggybacking on LeftWing’s comment.

    My first inclination was to agree with Peggassus. It seemed like you were being a little harsh, Auntie. After all, 10 months in federal prison would seem like plenty of time to reassess your (dog-murdering) priorities.

    But then I remembered my supervisor. And now…not so sure.

  5. Michael Vick is one of the last people I’d let around stray dogs.

    and he won’t be. he’s looking for work with the HSUS, which is purely and entirely a political lobbying group.

    despite their (probably deliberately) misleading and confusing name, the HSUS runs no animal shelters and cares for no strays, nor are they associated with any organizations that do — your local “humane society” is likely an entirely independent organization, or else affiliated with the American Humane Association, if anything.

    the HSUS is best known for being constitutionally opposed to all hunting of any kind. they’re an “animal rights” organization, to the point they occasionally lose sight of animal welfare. they’re close kin to PETA, no kith to shelters.

  6. This was the gene pool that begat Michael, the human highlight reel. And in the supervisor’s (now validated) opinion, there was no way to overcome that amount of dysfunction.

    Um, sorry Caleb, but I have to call bullshit on this. Maybe it’s just my newfound insight into the pseudoscience of eugenics, but I think it is fairly uncontroversial now that criminal behavior is not genetically inherited.

    Furthermore, as I’ve developed a phantom headache from being exposed to this story for too long now, I would like to toss out another perspective.

    I’m no dog lover, but I agree that exercising willful cruelty upon any creature capable of feeling pain is a very bad thing. However, I submit that if Michael Vick had chosen another venue and another species to act out such cruelty– say, against innocent brown-skinned men in Afghanistan, Iraq, or Guantanamo Bay– I sincerely doubt his actions would have drawn the attention and moral outrage that they have. I’m sure that present company is largely excluded, but I’d bet a month’s pay that the majority of those who want to see Mr. Vick banned from society for involvement in torturing and killing dogs don’t really care all that much to see Messrs. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, et al., put on trial for torturing and killing human beings.

    Whatever horrible deeds Vick has done, my tax dollars were spent seeing that he faced justice for them. Conversely, my tax dollars were also spent– in far greater amounts– bringing misery and death to countless thousands of innocents across the globe. As of this moment, little justice has been sought or meted out for that. I say that Vick has served his time, and he is free to seek whatever employment his incredible talents will get him, under whatever conditions he agrees upon with his new employer. (Personally, I’d love to see Vick in a Bears’ uniform for a couple of years.) I’ll save my impotent outrage for the murderous assholes who really deserve it and who aren’t likely to face anything more serious than that.

  7. Well … I assume that this is a public relations move on Vick’s part. But all the more reason to expect that he would be very careful around whatever animals he encounters. And he has, as they say, done his time. So why not let him tell teenagers not to do what he has done? If even one of them pays attention, he will have helped. At worst, I just can’t see how this contributes to further harm.

  8. Sam, you lost me when you mentioned Guantanamo. Outrage blinds me to all arguments of moral equivalency. Although I do accept your call of “bullshit” on genetic inheritance.

    Vick may have been (allegedly) begat from a gene pool of institutionalized rapists. But he was also presumably raised by, and among, them. Either way, if my supervisor was correct, it sounds like Vick’s childhood was fairly devoid of solid citizens.

    So, is that enough of a nurture ying to my previously stated nature yang?

  9. NM, true enough. And maybe he could meet a small, cute dog and it would warm his heart.

    Caleb, I think that nurture has much more to do with it. When you’re a little kid growing up in madness, you just accept it as normal, even if you think it’s wrong, what can you do about it? You go along with it because it’s really difficult to know and say that the people around you who ostensibly care for you are giant evil fuck-ups.

    And if you show anything worth exploiting (like football talent), those giant evil fuck-ups have motivation to keep you stupid and unquestioning.

    Don’t get me wrong. I feel bad for Vick. I also just don’t want him around dogs.

    If he can be involved in the Humane Society without being around dogs, more power to him. Go forth and talk other kids out of dog fighting.

  10. Sam, you lost me when you mentioned Guantanamo

    Of course, Caleb, I see your point. Because in Guantanamo, they only tortured the guilty ones, unlike in the other places.

    B., I don’t think you contradict yourself. There is a difference between being around dogs and having power over them.

  11. Hi Aunt B. I don’t know how to do the cool beige quote box thingie, but this right here?

    “Well, my outrage is very potent. Stand too close to me and you’ll have all kinds of little outrages of your own.”

    Tickles me to no end.

    Carry on.

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