Y’all, we had such a nice time today, even though we got terribly lost and could never find places to pee when we wanted and got terribly lost some more and then, just when we thought we couldn’t be any more lost, got more lost again. We almost got into two accidents and drove through neighborhoods where the answer to “Teenage girl whose mother doesn’t know what she’s walked out of the house wearing or prostitute” was always prostitute. We drove through parts of town so sketchy that the middle brother (more on this in a second) said that he felt like he understood something about the blues he never had before. And we teased each other and talked and talked and talked and talked. And he loved Newscoma and the Squirrel Queen.
I don’t even know what to tell you about how full my heart is. I went to Memphis with my brother and I found him to be deeply kind and funny and thoughtful, which I already knew, but not really, and I’m sorry about that.
I feel like calling him the recalcitrant brother is not fair to both of us.
I don’t know. This weekend has been eye-opening for me in a way I’m almost embarrassed to admit. It’s like when I realized that the Butcher was not ditching me to go hang out with his friends when my parents were in town in order to stick me with them, but in order to make their intensity managable. And I felt embarrassed for being so mad at him about that.
And that’s kind of how I feel about my other brother, like all the time thinking of him as the recalcitrant brother has made it hard for me to see him as the man he is.
Anyway, that has to change. He’s not some guy who’s deliberately refusing to get with the program. He’s just a guy. He’s just our brother.
I’m glad to know that, with my whole heart.