Well, There’s No Way THIS Could Go Wrong

Did y’all see SB1141? I got an email from TIRRC about it this morning and I’m embarrassed to say that my very first thought was that they must be mistaken.  But no.  SB1141 says:

When a person is arrested for any offense and is confined, for any period, in the jail of the county or any municipality, a reasonable effort to review documents in the possession of the prisoner shall be made to assess the citizenship status of the person so confined. If the keeper of the jail or other officer cannot determine the lawful status of the prisoner from the documents in the possession of the prisoner or if it is determined that the person is not lawfully present in the United States, pursuant to the federal Immigration and Naturalization Act, compiled in 8 U.S.C. § 1101 et seq., the keeper of the jail or other officer shall notify the United States department of homeland security by facsimile transmission or other appropriate means.

Oh, I know y’all are dying at that last sentence, so let’s just laugh at it and get it out of the way.  Yes, if a police officer cannot tell if a person is here legally or if he determines a person is not here legally, he will then SEND A FAX to the DHS.  Yes, a fax. Because it is apparently 1985.  I can only assume that the Department of Homeland Security will then dispatch the Pony Express to let the local jailer know if he should keep the person detained.

Could you imagine how much that would suck if you couldn’t prove you were a U.S. citizen, you were stuck in jail, and the Department of Homeland Security’s fax got a paper jam?  Would you ever get let go?

And I bet ICE is going to just love this.  “What’s on the roster today chief?  Well, we’ve got another 100 faxes from Tennessee to go through.” “Is someone going to get that state the internet at some point?” “Oh, look, here’s an email they’ve printed out and faxed to us.” “Jesus.”

As the email from TIRCC points out, “Before the Davidson County Sheriff could engage in these immigration enforcement activities, deputies were required to receive 5 weeks of federal training on immigration documents, civil rights, and racial profiling.”  But this will let every police officer in the state become defacto ICE agents.

Didn’t the Republicans just pass a resolution demanding that the Federal Government respect the sovereignty of the State?  And then the Republicans are going to turn right around and pass a law making our law enforcement agents responsible for enforcing Federal immigration statutes?  So, were we just sovereign last week?  This week it doesn’t count?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Anyway, the best part–and by best I mean “most disturbing”–is that just like that the Republicans are demanding that we all carry paper on us that establish our U.S. citizenship–with no guidance in the bill about what will be acceptable proof of citizenship.

Gosh, that won’t be abused, I’m sure.

Bone-Chilling Sound of Doom

I had been more than happy to believe that the $4,000 the dog is going to cost me this year would count as the “one major thing that will make you vomit it will cost so much” that would go wrong with the house in the first year that everyone warned me about.  I had to believe that because to spend what will end up being about $4,000 on the dog while knowing that there’s something else looming would have made me stay up all night staring at the ceiling.

As I did last night.

Why, you might ask, did you think that Fate would somehow conflate dog and house?  I don’t know.  The rumor going around town is that I’m a moron.

Oh, wait, no what actually you might ask is why I fretted all night long.

I will tell you.  Because when I went to go to the bathroom before going to bed last night, I could hear the sound of water running, like the hose was on.  I went outside.  The hose was off.   I came back inside.  I turned all the water on and it all seemed to work.  I looked in the garage and there was no water on the garage floor so it doesn’t seem that the washer or water heater has sprung a leak.  And, of course, no one was going under the house at 10:30 at night.

So, I laid awake imagining the possibilities.

And just this morning, when I went to get the cereal out of the pantry, I noticed that the sound of running water is loudest in the pantry.  I might add that our pantry does not have a wet bar.  Still, I don’t see any water.  I can hear it, but I don’t see it.

Here’s my hope, America, and please, please keep your fingers crossed for me.  My hope is that when the Butcher goes down into the crawlspace this morning, he sees that the way our other brother tapped the line to run the water for the fridge has come loose or something, that it is a soggy gross thing to fix, but something he can fix himself.  Because we have water, so I don’t think it can be a huge leak.  And yet I can hear running water, so clearly water is running.

The only drawback to this theory is that you can still get water out of the fridge.

So, yes, this is worrisome.

Update: So, I was right.  It is the line to the fridge!  And “Arthur the Plumber” thinks it’ll run me about $150 to fix, if that.  I told him what the plumbing brother told me–that he’d put in a self-tapping line, but that it really needed a half-t and a regular cut off–and he said that sounded about right.  And then he said, and I quote, that “the self-tapping lines suck.”

If I can’t get Grant, the ghost hunting plumber, who is always “what the frick?” I will indeed go for the plumber who will flat out tell you when thinks suck.