Straight Men of Tennessee, Gather ‘Round

I have read this post at Tiny Pasture’s and I have read your comments and I am stunned that “Be discerning in who you fuck” is novel advice, but it is, apparently. Therefore, as your internet aunt, I have taken it upon myself to dole out for you a little advice similar to the advice we women get all the time.

1. Be discerning in who you fuck.

2. People, even women, will lie to get you into bed. Not all women, but a lot of us.

3.  If you don’t want to have a kid, use birth control.  No, not, “She said she’s on the pill,” but “I’m putting on a condom right now.” Not only is it very easy for a girl to lie about using birth control (see 2), it’s very easy for some forms of birth control (like the Pill) to be compromised by outside factors. So, if you don’t want to have a kid, you use birth control on your self.  If you don’t want kids, ever, or any more kids, get a vasectomy.

4. If your friends and family describe your girlfriend as a “crazy bitch,” or if you ever seriously think that your girlfriend is a “crazy bitch,” you need to pay attention to that. Yes, sometimes family and friends are wrong and maybe you just have the biggest assholes ever surrounding you, but those could be important warning signs.

5. Yes, some women will dick you over, as hard as we can, just because we can. But it rarely comes out of the blue.  Most people will tell you exactly who they are and what their issues are, if you know how to listen.

6. You don’t need a woman to be complete. And having any woman is not better than having none.

7. Yes, women can also be abusive and, when it comes to abuse from women, it can be very hard for y’all to even get taken seriously, let alone get help when things get bad, because our society teaches men to suck it up and take it, and that abuse from women is silly.  But even if you can take it, why would you?  Even if you can take it, should your kids have to?

8. See Ta-Nehisi Coates.

9.  There are a lot of good women out here, good women who are looking to fuck for fun and good women who are looking to fuck someone forever. But they’re not going to just fall into your lap and, until you find them, be careful out there.  There are a lot of fucked up people who will do you wrong.


Aunt B.

10 thoughts on “Straight Men of Tennessee, Gather ‘Round

  1. Sounds to me like you’re indulging in some slut shaming in reverse. “He had sex with a crazy bitch? Serves him right to have to spend a year in jail.”

  2. W, I haven’t read the entire comment thread at the OP, but to my knowledge B hasn’t said that anyone deserves to be punished for having sex with crazy bitches.

    And, just to keep things straight, the man was in jail for failing to pay support for the child which (this is something B did say) the law recognized as his. That’s a little different.

    The main point for that case, as far as I’m concerned, is #3: it’s really easy for a man to prevent the conception of children he’s not interested in fathering. The rest, which I assume is in response to the comments I can’t get up the nerve to wade through in this week of all weeks (which, here in Pittsburgh, is a woman-hatin’ jamboree), sounds like good enough advice.

  3. I find lot’s of girls in group 4, but really want one from 9. Don’t get me wrong, men and women are equally fucked up. And I see many women in group 9, but usually taken. Maybe I just waited too long to get married and it must be remembered that girls in group 4 are way too much fun for a short period of time.

  4. Casey, don’t even start that “I just waited too long to get married” crap. Like you should have settled for the first chump who would take you?

    I say hold out for love. What’s the use in living in these times if we can’t be fools for love?

  5. B, I agree. I’ve actually become pickier the older I get. And being single IS, as you say, better than being with the wrong person.

  6. Aunt B, you’re offering advice as a remedy for a problem with the legal system. On top of that, I hardly think you’d find “be discerning who you fuck” an acceptable suggestion to a woman in an abusive relationship.

    You can’t always discern crazy. The people who end up entangled with crazy people, male or female, should not have to suffer with a legal system which presumes they somehow deserve what’s happened to them without any evidence to support it.

    Absolutely none of what you’ve said here addresses the actual question raised over on Kleinheider’s page. I mean come on, Aunt B. Imagine that a woman were trying to get child support from a man, swap male for female in this post of yours, and it should be obvious just how condescending you’re being about this.

  7. The guy got a legal remedy. I mean, I’m sorry, but if you let your name be put on the birth certificate of a kid, you are legally that kid’s father. It doesn’t matter if his DNA somehow came from every other man in America.

    The fact that he was able to legally challenge it and not have to pay money says to me that things are working as they should. It shouldn’t be easy to get out of paying child support for a kid you have previously acknowledged as yours.

    Plus, if you think this shit is condescending, you should take a careful look at the advice doled out to women all the fucking time.

    Because it is this advice.

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