Campfield’s Sexualized Fantasies

You know, blogging will bring you a lot of weird things, some good, some bad. You’ll meet interesting people. You’ll meet weird people. Sometimes, you’ll be off having a public discussion with a woman (say, Terry Frank) you had previously regularly accused of being an idiot only to find out that meeting her made you appreciate a little better where she was coming from and make you feel like you’ve been unfairly harsh, only to come home and go about your weekend completely oblivious to the fact that while you were driving over to said discussion, an elected official was fantasizing in public about your genitals.

Then you might find out at lunch today that, indeed, an elected official was publicly discussing your genitals, fantasizing about how you might talk about them to Terry Frank.

The rep.
on Sep 17th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Terry Frank: 9th amendment , 10th amendment. Free speech.

Aunt B: My (expletive) itches.

Terry Frank: Freedom, liberty, free market, constitution, personal responsibility, bill of rights.

Aunt B: F$%^ off!. My (Expletive) still itches!

Going to do battle with a mentally unstable person who has a tenuous grasp of the issues to be discussed has got to be a real treat for Terry. Hold out for the video. My money is on Terry. BIG.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was upset about this. I even called the Butcher to complain.  But thank gods for brothers, right?  Because there’s a pause, and then the Butcher lets out this huge belly laugh, and says, “An elected official was talking like that?! Man, I feel bad for his wife.”

And true enough. There it is, right in the middle of the day, and Campfield is sharing his fantasies about how I will talk about my cooter (which of course must be diseased and itchy, because you know what an immoral slut I am) and Terry will show me up with her great knowledge of the Constitution and put this “mentally unstable” person in my place.

All that’s missing is the part where Terry throws me over her lap and spanks me until I admit what a bad, bad girl I’ve been.  I mean, Jesus, most folks have sense enough to keep their private sexual fantasies to themselves, but Campfield’s putting them out there in the comments on a liberal blog.

Here’s the thing, though. I can avoid him. Shoot, I can live my whole life without ever having to come in contact with him in person again.

But Frank’s got to see his creepy ass regularly.

And I sincerely feel bad for her about that.

I mean, yeah, being the whore in the madonna/whore set up has its drawbacks, but being the failed madonna (and we all must fail at some point) is no fun either.

39 thoughts on “Campfield’s Sexualized Fantasies

  1. I’m trying to write a funny and dismissive comment. But I can’t because I am so UTTERLY pissed off to hear that this man demeaned my friend and dismissed her.

    I have repeatedly been very open about my belief that Campfield has a sexual dysfunction akin to gynophobia. The fact that he would reduce your arguments to the literal AND figurative ‘hysteria’ does nothing to disprove that.

    I’d also like to point out to the esteemed bachelor that while many of us here chuckled at the idea of you two meeting on a playing field, none of us demeaned Terry Frank or dismissed her.

    Unlike him, we all at least showed Terry a basic decency.

    Man. I can’t get over the fact that his FIRST thought about you was of your vagina.

    And in light of your recent posts here last week about your health problems, for him to joke about you having a problem was extra unseemly.

    What an utter irresponsible ass.

    I know who is getting a handwritten letter from me this week.

  2. O.M.G. Could you BE any less professional? I can not BELIEVE he thought that was something appropriate to say! What a huge douchebag! I’m so shocked and appalled, and sorry you had to experience that!

  3. Everyone’s already said it better than I could. What an utter ass.

    And a big round of applause for The Butcher.

  4. Well, isn’t Campfield just a shining example of a Southern Gentleman? I guess that’s an example of what southerners mean when they tell us all how much nicer they are than most other folks in most other places. And I know that he is proud of maintaining that standard.

  5. I think it’s interesting that he deemed whatever he imagined you wanting to scratch as a an “expletive” but “F$%^” wasn’t QUITE as censored.

  6. Come on Coble, The Rep’s comment followed right behind a snarky comment from Captain Kona about Terry Frank. Given B’s propensity to talk about her cooter, it actually seemed pretty funny.

  7. I guess that’s an example of what southerners mean when they tell us all how much nicer they are than most other folks in most other places.

    Please don’t judge Southerner’s manners by the idiocy of this man’s actions. Really.

  8. Cooters are like siblings: you can talk about your own all you want, but tread carefully when referring to someone else’s.

  9. What the hell? Isn’t he part of the civility squad, the people who are always bemoaning the vulgar and undignified in public discourse — except when he does it, especially if he does it about a woman of an opposing political party?

    I know I’ve said this before, but there’s something wrong with that guy.

  10. The more I think about this, the more hilarious it gets. I mean, just as a matter of escalation. Someone’s talking about whether Frank will be all “guns, guns, guns,” and Campfield thinks that responding in kind is “Well, um, B. will talk about her diseased cunt,” (only, you know, not so clearly because he’s mistaken prudery for morality).

    It’s like a kid thinking he can win a farting contest by taking a dump.

  11. It’s like a kid thinking he can win a farting contest by taking a dump.

    My new favorite saying.

    The Butcher will be happy (and unsurprised?) to hear that the man is unmarried.

    Is it any wonder this man is unmarried. I for one am not surprised one bit in the least. The guy obviously hates women.

  12. How unsurprising that a man who reduces women to their procreative function refers to your sex organs. Single…hates women…homophobic…do I sense a wide stance in Minneapolis airport bathroom stall in his future?

  13. What also kills me is that he is a state rep and yet NEVER gets any comments on his camp4u blog. And he never edits it. His spelling is atrocious and his prose reads like a student in a developmental writing course.

  14. do I sense a wide stance in Minneapolis airport bathroom stall in his future?

    Oh no. Campfield’s downfall will be a scandal of a whole new specimen. It will be like Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, and all of our birthdays rolled into one in terms of awesomeness. It will make Larry Craig and Mark Foley and Mark Sanford look completely innocent by comparison.

  15. Hate that he used my blog as a forum for this, B. I have no idea why he does what he does. I’m still reeling that he’s an elected official. Seriously, I just don’t get that at all.

  16. Don’t worry, ‘Coma. It was weird at first, but now I’m finding it pretty funny. I mean, how long have I been saying that he’s got some weird obsession with women’s genitals and here he is proving it?

    I have to agree with Goldni. When you meet Campfield, he just doesn’t strike you as gay; he’s got a definite “straight” vibe, as I think is evidenced by his obsession with women’s reproductive activities. But you could imagine his peculiarities would lead to a “scandal of a whole new specimen” for sure.

    I don’t know what, but it’ll be interesting to see.

  17. Do you think he thinks he’s being funny in a friendly way? You know, B talks about her cooter, and so do some of her friends, and he’s being friendly, so he’ll talk about it, too? And not getting that the forum matters, and the tone matters, and the fact that he isn’t actually one of her friends matters?

  18. I might have bought that if he hadn’t made a big deal about it being itchy, you know? But the fact that he couldn’t pass up that chance to make a dig about there being something wrong with me? Plus, he called me mentally unstable, so I don’t think he was trying to be friendly.

  19. When I wrote my initial comment, I hadn’t followed the link to ‘coma’s digs and were unaware that the always-distasteful captainkona had swung the first shot. I’ve had many issues about that commentor in the past; he’s often–to my eyes–the Leftward version of smantix. One of those folx so convinced of the correctness of his ideology that he thinks it gives him an excuse to treat those of divergant ideology with contempt.

    BUT…I read his tactless comment later. And from what I remember it was particularly ironically tone-deaf, coming as it did in response to a blog post celebrating civil dialogue and putting aside differences for the sake of community engagement.

    However I just remember him mocking TF’s beliefs. In his reliably tactless way he smeared her ability to talk intelligently about the constituion, instead portraying her–again, ironically–as an automaton raving about talking points.

    Had rep campfield wished to respond in kind (something often done by children and less than wise chronological adults) he could have mocked b as a socialist or a pinko or whathaveyou.

    Instead he focuses on her vagina–not an expletive at all–and mocks her openness be skewering it as a lurid vulnerability. She was right in the middle of a week of blogging openly and honestly about some very personal health issues.

    captainkona was childish and ridiculous. Campfield was cruel.

    I probably agree more with Frank and Campfield about the original topic under consideration; to wit, the interpretation of the constitution.

    But I am not going to pretend that overt misogyny and cruel taunting are acceptable forms of discourse. Even if another fellow started it.

  20. I can’t help but think that the only proper response to Stacey Campfield’s concern about itch is to send boxes upon boxes of Vagisil to his state office.

    “The Rep”s address:

    301 6th Avenue North
    Suite 113 War Memorial Bldg.
    Nashville, TN 37243

  21. Perhaps this is the beginning of some Carville/Matalin style repartee and sexual tension? Ha!

    It is however, a very foolish thing to put in writing on the internets anywhere when you are considering a higher profile elected office. The internet is forever, just ask some of the other state employees who posted questionable content around Tennessee recently.

    Best bumper sticker ever–Don’t vote for Campfield. My cooter itches.

  22. Casey wrote: “What also kills me is that he is a state rep and yet NEVER gets any comments on his camp4u blog. And he never edits it.”

    Well, he used to get comments but if he didn’t like what you were saying he deleted it. People with differing points of view probably got tired of commenting over there only to have them deleted. *shrug*

    I’ve said it many times before – if you’re going to run for public office AND put a public blog out there and can’t handle debate from ALL people (and not just the ones that agree with you) then you don’t need to be in public office.

  23. I keep meaning to write up my thoughts about the event, but I’m still trying to kind of figure out what I want to say about it. It was terrific and I think I got more out of it than the audience did.

    And Casey, I have been accosted by many folks who basically want to know if you are dreamy. I have been, of course, replying in the affirmative.

  24. I am really shocked. It’s frightening, actually, to find yourself referred to like this by someone in a position of power. I am so sorry, Aunt B., Lord!!

  25. Me dreamy. LOL. That’s funny. I was very handsome as a young man. Now I’ve allowed myself to get a bit chubby. Thank you so much for the compliment. I tend to think of myself as the geeky professor at this point. But some women like that look.

    Luv ya as always.

  26. All right, people, Casey is but one man. If I’ve got to say “Get a room!” to the whole lot of you, he’s going to end up smothered in 1700 people.

    Not that that’s a bad way to go, mind you, but still. Think of the minor scandal that could cause.

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