23. The Home Depot Parking Lot

Weirdly enough, the ghosts in the Home Depot parking lot on Gallatin may be the most upsetting ghosts in town. They don’t do anything particularly scary. They tend to walk across the open grassy area between the parking lot and the road, looking around like something is missing, and then they stand in the parking lot, looking confused or shaking their heads or standing with one hand on their hips and the other wiping the sweat off their brows.

Sometimes, they will turn to each other and converse, pointing to the empty space and gesturing about the general size and shape of the missing landmark.

The singer is still recognizable to people and so his presence is the most upsetting.  When they tore down the house, people said, softly to each other, so no one could hear, “Well, at least Mr. Reeves isn’t alive to see this.”

And yet, there he is, with Rev. Craighead and the Bradfords, standing in the parking lot, looking, for all intents and purposes, like folks who wish, just one more time, they could see a ghost.

Paganism, It’s Everywhere!

1.

Poor Christian, discovers Satanism at a Christian venue.

2. I will never see “Antichrist,” but damn, I feel like this picture is true in some way. (Um, maybe NSFW)

3. So, the dude throws treasure into the river as a votive to the town… Ha, ha, ha. Even Christians love pagan rituals, huh?

Revirginated

I was talking to the Professor last night about a picture I had seen on the internet, which she thought she had seen and I told her that I thought I saw a penis in it. She said, “I’m pretty sure that’s an ankle.”

People, I was all, “Oh my god, I hope we’re not looking at the same thing, because I’m pretty sure if you misidentify an ankle as a penis, the penalty is that you have to be a virgin again. Maybe even a double super secret virgin.”

It turned out we were not thinking of the same image, but when I crawled into bed, trying to decide what day this weekend to stay at home so that I can COLLECT MY OWN PEE (Jesus Christ), while I slipped my CPAP mask on, I was feeling a little sorry for myself, until I thought that I was a little sad that I missed out on my chance to be revirginated, because it would have just been so fucking hilarious.

Any one of those three things can get a girl a little down.  And let me just say that it’s not actually the collecting of the pee that bothers me so much as the then driving around town with it to deliver it.  But together? You’re like the hero of an awesome indy film. Which is funny, when you think about it. One thing wrong? Kind of annoying. A bunch of weird things? Now you’re just quirky.

And, I don’t know, it’s not like you would have to tell your partners you’d been revirginated. So, you could be all like “Oh, no, it’s not like I’m horribly awkward and seem to have just sprained something I might need later because I suck in bed; I’m a virgin. Teach me, oh charming dude or bikini-clad gun model.” When you’re a virgin, there’s still the promise that you might get better at it.

Ha, there are days when I’d like to be revirginated across the board. This is not as good as it gets. You will learn and get better! Even at making copies! Even at deciding where to go for lunch!

Fresh starts for everyone. None of us need know what we’re doing.

Edited to add: Um, except for pilots and bus drivers. You need to know what you’re doing.