Oh, Tennessee

The first book about Tennessee politics I’d like to will into existence is, of course, a history of the Memphis Fords, with a whole narrative arc about the minor tragedy of Harold Ford Jr. not having a snazzy hat.

But after that, I swear, someone needs to write a book about Mike Turner. I vote for Jeff Woods.  Read this article and tell me you don’t get a vision of what the book would be like–all genial ambition and well-earned bluster and constant self-foot-shooting.

And then, tell me you don’t want to find a way to sit down with Jerry Maynard, give him a couple of beers, and hear this story again off the record.

“He was trying to make us feel more comfortable and saying that, growing up, he had black friends and black people came to his house for dinner, and basically he was letting us know he was comfortable with us,” Maynard said.

“And did that make you feel comfortable?” civil rights attorney Larry Woods asked Maynard.

“I know Mike,” Maynard testified. “I’ve known Mike for a while. So I gave him a pass. I wasn’t offended because I know Mike.”

“When you say you know Mike, what do you mean?”

“Mike’s a good old boy,” Maynard replied.

The thing is that you know this whole thing just sounds like Turner.  If he didn’t say this, folks sure know him well enough to come up with something that sounds plausible.

The thing I’m still confused about, though, is why Turner inserted himself into this situation to begin with.

Edited to add: This is the context. That’s the threat that kept Turner’s childhood idyllic. That’s the ghost that haunts this lawsuit. (h/t S-town Mike on Twitter.)

Fowler, Revisited

I’m sorry, I got to telling folks about this at lunch and it just tickled me so much.  I mean, I spent my morning doing work and thinking about how nicely Coble phrases things, how delicious I find her writing. And all indications are that Fowler gets to spend his morning thinking of shocking sexual combinations in order to titillate his readers.

It’s enough to make a girl want to become a conservative. My morning if I am me? La, la, la, doing some work. La, la, la, thinking about Coble thinking about writing.

My morning as imagined by Fowler?  La, la, la, undermining the sanctity of marriage.  La, la, la, imagining how delicious I find Coble.  Plotting to ensnare her and her husband into a gay, polygamous, um, super secret, children scandalizing, union with rotating partners we invite in by lottery. Oops, looks like Sam Holloway and his wife are our first official lottery winners. They’ll have to bring three other women, a goat, and some BBQ. And their own pillows.

That is one million times more entertaining than how I actually spend my days.

Shorter David Fowler

We have to discriminate against gay people now or we won’t be able to discriminate against other people in the future!!!!!!!

I have two thoughts. 1. Why doesn’t David Fowler support the efforts of people to bring back true Biblical marriage? Does David Fowler think he knows better than God how to organize a family? 2. Conservatives always have much better imaginations than I do.  I have always thought of polygamy as a person taking multiple spouses who just sleep with that person. I had never considered the “every night is an orgy of blind passions in which all combinations of body parts come together in writhing ecstasy–man with woman, woman with woman, man with man, woman with man with woman with man, etc.”, but now, as I try to imagine what Fowler sees in polygamy that resembles gay marriage?

Whew, that’s a little much for a girl to bring to mind so soon to lunch.  I think I’m blushing.

Random Thursday Things

1. I now have a new theory about what happened to all my pumpkins. And possibly what my neighbors are constantly shooting at.

2. One of the things I like best about the internet is when you see people you know create something that kind of blows your mind. This picture of Malia is amazing. If I were an artist, I would paint it.

3.  There’s always a sex tape. This is, I believe, the most fundamental disconnect between liberals of my ilk and conservatives of a certain ilk. To me, the fact that Prejean has a sex tape just goes to show that we all do stuff that other people think is wrong (like, being gay) and, as long as no one is hurt, maybe we should all just let each other go about doing things that others think is wrong without trying to fuck over the perceived wrong-doers. To them, this incident shows that everyone does things that are wrong and that’s why it’s important to not let any more wrong-doing get a foothold in our society.

Still, I think it’s hilarious that this sanctimonious asshat got caught.