It’s really going to take some superhuman feat of skill and fortitude that I’m not sure I have to get through this week in one piece. So, we are making a round-trip to North Carolina on Wednesday and Thursday because
a.) my brother’s not answering his phone when my dad calls, so they can’t discuss how fucking stupid this is. Not that they would discuss it, but the possibility for discussion isn’t there.
b.) in spite of my family’s desire that I be the fucking bitch whose approval they crave, but who they also resent, I’m not calling my brother to tell him how stupid this is. I can’t decide if this seems equally as passive as other members of my family, but for my own sanity, I cannot take up being the boss of these people (or trying. Like I said, the dynamic is to push you into it and then tear you down for doing it.). I told my dad I think it’s stupid, and he took that into consideration and decided to go anyway.
c.) My mom is done with how my brother talks to his son. At least for now. So she would rather go get him and know he’s not going to be emotionally abused for a whole car ride. I don’t know if my brother is actually emotionally abusive to my nephew, since that would take effort and interest, and I haven’t seen a whole lot of that. So, this trip is being driven, in part, by my mom’s anger at my brother.
d.) My mom can’t drive. And I can’t stand the thought of my dad driving sixteen hours in two days by himself, since he is not a semi-truck driver, but a retired Methodist minister. So, I’ll drive 8 and he can drive 8.
e.) Because my brother decided to stop answering his phone, no one could discuss with him the possibility of discussing with his wife them getting the kid today and tomorrow, when the Butcher is off work and could help with the driving. Yes, they are still married. They’re approaching a decade of marriage and almost a decade of not living together. They both seem unaware that there’s no such thing as a common law divorce.
But the anger I feel about this, about the whole family, and the whole holiday revolving around my brother’s ongoing fuckups without directly addressing them with him literally makes me dizzy. And there are a few fires at work that need to be put out, so the thought of not having all three days in the office this week is kind of making me stressed, too.
I’m not sure of a way to address this, but it has to be addressed. But, I guess, I’ll have 16 hours in the car to figure it out.